


The Why of Things

by LadyYomi



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death Fix, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, No Smut, Romance, Science Fiction, Shippy Gen, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Translation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 43,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29808414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyYomi/pseuds/LadyYomi
Summary: His mentor's disappearance causes Zack Fair to discover a haunting truth about the mega-corporation he works for. Will he succumb to the alien calamity that seeks to seize the planet through him? Everything hinges on his capacity to grasp the reasons of the woman who betrayed him.
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough/Cloud Strife, Cissnei/Kunsel (Compilation of FFVII), Tifa Lockhart/Barret Wallace, Zack Fair/Original Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Killed in action

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [El porqué de las cosas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20786045) by [LadyYomi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyYomi/pseuds/LadyYomi). 



**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

 **Author's note:** This is the English version of my Spanish fanfic _"El porqué de las cosas"_ (ID: 13396328). The fic features Zack Fair and Sadie Darcy (original character) as protagonists, and important appearances by Aerith and Cloud as co-protagonists. You can also see Cissnei, Kunsel, Barret and Tifa in supporting roles.

The characters will be involved in a series of misfortunes that will lead them to question the basis of the universe of _"Final Fantasy VII"._ There's a focus on the dangers of human experimentation, the effects of corporate monopoly in a society divided by classism, the relevance of identity, freedom and forgiveness. All of this under the relentless yoke of the extraterrestrial threat known as "Jenova," which hovers like an invisible guillotine over Zack and Sadie's heads.

**Important:**

**1)** This novel possesses canon-divergent elements typical of an alternate universe. The circumstances that differ from the official storyline are the result of my own artistic vision and autonomy.

 **2)** I don't claim ownership over the canon I base my works on, but I'm the absolute owner of the original characters, plot, dialogues (unrelated to the official material) and context of my fics. It should also be noted that the ideologies, views and choices of the characters may not always reflect those held by the author.

 **3)** The first 35 chapters (and the entire draft) were written before the premiere of _"Final Fantasy VII Remake",_ which explains the existence of any unforeseen similarities and/or plot differences related to the events presented in canon's new version.

 **4)** The cover is of my authorship and is published in my _Deviantart_ and _Instagram_ accounts. There you can enjoy illustrations inspired by my stories, reference sheets of original characters and even Ship-art. I invite you to drop by whenever you want!

 **Main pairings:** Zack/Sadie - Cloud/Aerith.

 **Side pairings:** Barret/Tifa - Kunsel/Cissnei.

_Without further clarification, thanks for taking a look at the fanfic! Hopefully, it'll live up to your expectations!_

* * *

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 1**

**"Killed in action"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

**Suburbs of Midgar City. Nine years ago.**

"The doctor has already confirmed her death, they'll burn the remains at noon and you will move in with me after the funeral." Explained the refined Mrs. Hood with more annoyance than compassion. She wasn't interested in taking care of the orphan until she came of age. "People who cry over everything get on my nerves, so stop whining."

The little girl wiped away the tears that welled up in her eyes, but all effort was futile. She didn't understand what harm could be done by the woman who brought her into the world to be punished with the terrible disease that claimed her life within six months.

Mrs. Hood held her roughly by the shoulder, pulling her away from the rickety bed where Mrs. Darcy's body rested. "Are you deaf?! I told you to stop bawling! You can't bring her back with your stupid whims!"

"She's not dead! She's just... sleeping!" The child pleaded from the corner of the tiny room they occupied. She was on her bones from hunger and her hair was spilling out into dark shreds that stuck to her face. "Mom said she would visit dad in the center of the world! That she would give him a hug and be back! She said... that she would be with me in a blink! Please! Please don't let them burn her!"

"What a stupid thing to say!" The woman snorted. "Your mother was delirious, child. The other world is the opium of the poor, they're both as rotten as this decadent hole we're in. Do you want some advice?" She fixed the big, wide-brimmed hat that covered her head: "Don't cling to temporary things like love or friendship. They're not worth it."

"But I..." She sobbed and stared at the tips of her bare feet. "I don't know how to do it. I don't know... how to forget about mom."

Mrs. Hood smiled and her red lips curled up in a gesture that revealed her intentions to take advantage of the situation. "I'll teach you, but you must please me in return. If you're useful in your tasks I'll show you how to leave the suffering behind. Now come on, let's get out of here before the corpse begins to stink."

Mrs. Hood took the little girl with the idea of employing her at the store she managed on the top plate. She always took pride in her ability to find opportunities in unexpected events and this occasion wouldn't be any different.

A young woman who was fleeing the area at full speed almost rammed into the new tutor. The fugitive embraced a girl who looked like a carbon copy of herself; they both had the same curly brown hair and a pair of green eyes like spring buds. A whole squadron of Shinra's infantry that was chasing them eventually caught up with their whereabouts.

The orphan was startled when she heard the gunfire from the machine guns on the other side of the alley. The glow of the fire was reflected in the tears that still streamed down her cheeks, dyeing them golden for a fleeting moment that seemed eternal to her.

"Do you see?" said Mrs. Hood without paying any attention to the matter. "Neither love nor rebellion will get you out of the suburbs, Sadie. The key to survival is to obey those who have more power than you. Never forget that you are useful as a tool, not as a person."

The girl nodded without daring to say anything else. All her thoughts wandered over the terrified little girl who watched her from one of the dirty garbage dumpsters in which her mother had hidden her before being executed.

* * *

**Shinra Headquarters, Midgar. Nine years later.**

Zack Fair gazed longingly at the notification that weighed on his office desk. It was obvious, he was the closest person to Angeal Hewley and therefore the most disturbed upon learning of his sudden disappearance.

Today it was two months since the brave 1st Class Soldier was declared missing. Two months... and no trace of his mentor, no news of his whereabouts. Just a stupid citation that seemed to mock him from the neat wrapping in which it rested.

That's how things worked at Shinra Company. It was impossible to show even a hint of concern for a fallen comrade without being interviewed by one of the mediocre behavioral analysts of the human resources area.

"I'm not crazy," he mumbled, looking at the notice with contempt. "I just want to find my friend." A couple of knuckles knocked on the door next to him, knocking him out of his mind. "Who's going?"

"Sir," said a 3rd Class Soldier from the outside. "General Sephiroth sent me, he wants you to report back to his office right away."

"Ah." Zack took a deep breath. "Tell him I'll be with him as soon as..." He grimaced as he put the summons in his pocket. "I finish my appointment with the area seven counselor."

The Soldier nodded and left as formally as quickly, no one wanted to keep the General waiting for an answer.

A few minutes passed before Zack decided to leave his office, as he didn't feel like running into Sephiroth for the rest of the shift. He feared that his superior would give him the terrible news of Angeal's defection to join Genesis in his vengeful crusade against the company they worked for, but Angeal would never... his mentor would never dishonor his dreams or his honor in such a way.

Zack took one hand to his temple and massaged the area absently, he had to stop thinking so much or the stupid shrink would notice he was upset. A Soldier had to know how to keep his sorrows to himself. Neither reproaches nor cries would bring Angeal back, only actions would. He needed to prove to be psychologically stable enough for the counselor to let him return to his usual missions.

Indestructible. Unshakeable. Unreachable.

He dropped his eyelids and took a deep breath as he knocked on the door of room number Z1, still repeating the mantra of strength in his mind.

"Come in," invited a female voice from inside. "It's open."

Zack entered the room. It was a bright and tasteful place, decorated by some interesting plants that he was sure of not seeing before. The woman's hair was trimmed at the nape of her neck and looked so pale that it might be made from the light coming through the building's large windows.

"I was notified by the management," he explained, extending the summons to the co-worker in front of him. They were co-workers, weren't they? They both worked for Shinra after all.

The lady grabbed it and motioned for him to take a seat with a wave of her hand. "Ah, Zack Fair. Yes, yes... it's about Hewley's case. Several other people have come before you."

"Other people?" Zack was suddenly relieved by the revelation. "I thought I was the only one to be called."

"No. The staff is devastated by your mentor's disappearance." She smiled melancholyly: "I had the pleasure of meeting him too and I'm looking forward to his return."

"Well, thanks for talking about him in present tense," said the Soldier after sitting in a soft chair in front of the consultation desk. "I'm a little tired of everyone talking about him as if he weren't coming back."

"Is that how they talk?"

Zack forced himself to keep quiet when he remembered who he was talking to. He was aware that psychologists used to ask impersonal questions to get people to talk too much, so he just answered with a question of his own: "Are you area's seven counselor?"

She didn't react to the abrupt change of topic. "That's right, my name is Sadie. I've been working here for a year." She took some papers that were lying on the desk and put them aside. "Where could your mentor be? Do you have any idea why he left?"

Zack looked away. "No. And I don't think he left of his own free will."

"Why?"

"Because..." He frowned. "He's not like that, period."

"He always seemed like a very responsible person to me."

"He is," admitted Zack almost without thinking, "and will always be."

"I see..." Sadie took a notebook and wrote something in it, an action that put her guest on guard.

"What did you write down? This isn't a consultation, I'm not disturbed or even stressed out about what happened."

Sadie arched her eyebrows. "He's your friend and you aren't troubled by his disappearance?"

"Don't make it sound like I'm heartless."

"I didn't say anything like that, did I?"

Zack drowned out a grunt. "A Soldier doesn't feel on the same level as your other patients, you can't label me a bad person just because I'm not crawling on the floor since he left."

"Being disturbed doesn't mean that you spend all your time crying in the corners." The psychologist closed her eyes. "There are many different ways to channel pain."

"Why should I feel pain? I don't even know what happened to him in the last few months, it would be stupid to jump to conclusions. When I find out what happened, I'll see how I feel." The Soldier looked at her and the woman returned his gaze.

"Uncertainty is also painful, or doesn't find some peace the person that finds the remains of a missing loved one after years of waiting and confusion?"

Zack snorted and crossed his arms. "Are you suggesting that I'll have more peace if I find him, be it dead or alive? Nonsense."

"If not, why are you so desperate to prove that you're ready to get back into action?"

The Soldier stared at the counselor who was looking up at the ceiling with her face resting on her little hands. Did she say what he thought she...?

"I don't know... what you mean," he made the excuse on impulse, too uneasy to say anything less cliché in his defense.

Sadie looked him in the eye with an impassive expression. "You pretend not to care because you're afraid I'll think you aren't fit to continue with your usual duties, and that would prevent you from looking for Angeal on your own."

Zack pressed his lips, moving uneasily in the seat. Bingo, this woman deserved her job, but that didn't mean she had to know. No one should suspect of his wanderings outside the mantle of Shinra, Genesis or degradation.

"My own means, eh?" The Soldier laughed mockingly. "I'm not as stupid as I look. If an army of Turks didn't find out about his whereabouts, less will one man with no clues to follow."

Sadie straightened up in her chair and smiled slightly. "I see, but logic doesn't always accompany heroism."

"Bah, what does that mean?"

"Heroes act first and then think."

Zack laughed with indignation. "Hey! Is there something wrong with that? A hero who thinks too much ends up not doing anything good in time!"

"And one who thinks too little ends up doing terrible things at the right time."

Zack smiled almost involuntarily, forgetting for a moment that he was under the scrutiny of a person who worked for Shinra and could determine the future of his career with a single verdict.

"You can do important things to bring him back," Sadie continued, "but don't forget that every one of those actions will have an irrevocable consequence in the future."

"I prefer not to think too much about what is to come." Zack stared at one of the beautiful plants of the office. "The future is going to come whether I want it to or not."

"But you can work to make that future better than you expect."

"As long as I reflect before I act," declared the Soldier with resignation. "Yes, I got the message. I'll repeat it every morning while I brush my teeth."

Sadie smiled. "Well... Angeal was right about you."

Zack jumped out of his chair. "Angeal told you about me?! What did he say?!"

"Professional secret."

"Huh?"

The psychologist denied, standing up at the same time as him. "I'm not in a position to reveal any of the conversations that I shared with my patients."

"Wait." Zack frowned. "Angeal was seeing a psychologist?"

"Sure, he came several times." Sadie crossed her arms and raised her chin. "There's nothing wrong with seeking advice from time to time."

"It's just that..." He turned his eyes away. "I don't mean to be rude, but..."

"But?"

"What the hell can a woman like you know about the life of a Soldier?" Zack looked at her sideways, looking for signs of offense, but found none. There was no visible emotion on Sadie's face.

"Not much, but our profession doesn't define who we are. No matter what you do, you're still part of the human species." She smiled maliciously as she added, "And humans are something I do know a lot about."

Zack took a breath and kept silent, not quite knowing what to say.

"Now you can go," said Sadie as she half-opened the exit door. "The consultation is over for today."

"Huh? This was a consultation?" Zack raised his eyebrows dramatically. "And do you charge for these things?"

"Stop it." Sadie pointed to the door with a nod. "Come back next month and tell me how it went, will you?"

The Soldier nodded uncertainly, retreating from the office at a hesitant pace. What the hell was that all about? Dozens of memories related to the silly lectures Angeal liked to deliver flooded into his mind, but he couldn't pinpoint the reason behind such melancholy.

Angeal.

The psychologist spent a lot of time with him before his disappearance, so it wouldn't hurt to go back through the office and try to get clues about what troubled his mentor enough to go to the shrink.

* * *

Soldier Director, Lazard Deusericus, received the staff medical reports from his secretary, who left in a hurry after finishing her task. He was interested in the psychological results of certain agents under his direction. After all, if he had listened to the insistent assertion of one of the area seven counselors about Hewley's mental health... he could have stopped him long before his possible defection.

First Genesis and now Angeal Hewley. He couldn't afford more failures in his newly acquired executive position or he would fall to earth as quickly as he ascended to the clouds of Shinra Management.

He took two medical verdicts into his hands, one referred to General Sephiroth; issued by the area three chief counsel and the other under the name of Zack Fair, reviewed by the same counsel who examined the late Hewley.

Sephiroth's profile indicated a degree of emotional disconnection and severe problems to express deep emotions. There was evidence of difficulty in experiencing feelings of guilt, coupled with an impetuous desire to keep his self-esteem unaffected by perceived threats to undermine it. According to the professional's opinion, he was a typical Wutai war veteran, wearing a bullet-proof armor that disconnected him from the traumatic events around him. An obvious result of his repeated attempts to maintain his sanity under enemy fire.

As for Angeal, it seemed that Sephiroth's mental and emotional shield prevented him from being too disturbed by his disappearance. This resulted in no compelling reason for the General to be unable to continue his regular duties as a Soldier.

You couldn't expect anything else from Sephiroth, could you?

Lazard moved on to Fair's report. The boy was impulsive and emotional, which made him feel that his results wouldn't be as clean as those of his superior. In fact, Zack Fair was described as a person of intense and rapidly changing moods, a habit clearly developed from making quick decisions in his work. He had an obsessive personality, constantly striving to direct his feelings and emotions at will, paired with a strict and uncompromising morality that wouldn't bend even in the presence of true information that contradicted it.

Lazard laughed, who wouldn't have strict morals after being recruited as Hewley's apprentice?

The report ended with a simple "trustworthy and loyal to the company," giving account of his emotional state after the disappearance of his mentor.

Soldier Director dropped into his reclining chair with a long sigh, if things went well he wouldn't have to worry about any more deserters in his ranks.

* * *

It took two months before Director Lazard's peace of mind was lost.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" Zack smashed the PHS device that the company gave him against the desk of his boss, who was shocked by the unexpectedness of his actions.

"Well..." Lazard peeked over the device, turning it over to see the contents of the screen. "Ah, it says you were promoted to 1st Class Soldier. Congratulations, right?"

"I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT CRAP!" He pointed to the footer in a hoarse voice: "WHAT DOES 'KILLED IN ACTION' MEAN?!"

"Ah." Lazard put on his glasses as he understood the young man's attitude. "It means that Genesis Rhapsodos and Angeal Hewley were discharged from our ranks. I thought it would be more than clear..."

Zack took a deep breath in an effort to calm himself, but his lungs kept beating wildly, forcing him to let go of the worries that had plagued him in a choppy and painful way: "How... can you say that... they're dead?! We don't have... a damn proof of that!"

Lazard rested his chin on the palms of his hands. "The Turks gathered enough data to determine this, otherwise we wouldn't have made it public."

The Soldier wandered around the room, unable to maintain control. The Director followed him with his eyes as if he were watching a fly fluttering around the place and finally said: "Get the file of your next mission and go, Zack. I have a lot of business to attend to."

Zack turned to see him as if the director had slapped him. For an instant a deep pain was drawn on his face, which was soon relegated to the background of an emotionless mask. He took the sheet amid the stupor that was invading him and left the place without saying more.

"Is that all we are?" he muttered as he walked down the elegant management corridor. "Replaceable positions in a chain of mass-produced Soldiers?"

He crossed paths with one of his former 2nd Class classmates who greeted him and congratulated him on his promotion. Zack thanked him accordingly, although the achievement felt bitter, empty and meaningless. What if he got into trouble and disappeared too? He would be discharged, forgotten and replaced by another able-bodied Soldier.

Was that the way it was? The great heroes he grew up admiring faded into the apathy of the corporate machine they served, Sephiroth was the only remaining ghost of that glorious past and even he seemed indifferent to the absence of his comrades-in-arms.

"Zack?"

The voice came from a nearby office. Was it... the psychologist?

He tried to remember the woman's name, in vain. "Ah... good afternoon, Sally?"

"Sadie," she corrected, furrowing her eyebrows, "Are you all right?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"You look pale... and if I hadn't talked you would have hit that pillar in front of you."

Zack cursed in a low voice, the pillar was only a few inches from his face. "Bah, guess I'm a little distracted, right?"

Sadie smiled. "It's not every day you get promoted to 1st Class, you have the right to walk on the clouds with news like that."

"Ah, you heard that too?"

"It's not something that stays a secret." She took a sip of her coffee. "I bet Angeal will be proud as soon as he finds out."

Zack's eyebrows lost height dangerously, hiding the grudge that lit up his pupils when he remembered his mentor. "I can't believe you don't know it yet."

"Know what?"

"The company left him for dead," he replied with a bitter smile. "But making the announcement under a giant _'we have a new 1st Class Soldier'_ must have made the news go unnoticed."

Sadie stared at her reflection in the coffee, pondering the words she would utter. "I know what they announced, but it's Shinra's point of view, not mine."

Zack blinked, seized by perplexity. "Hang in there, you say you don't believe them?"

"Believing or not believing in that announcement is irrelevant. It's not about belief, it's about evidence."

"Evidence..." He paused, trying to sort out his thoughts. "What kind of evidence can be hidden from the most professional spy department on the continent? The Turks left no stone unturned on this."

Sadie smiled to herself without making eye contact. "Are you sure that's how it was?"

"Ninety percent."

"And what about the other ten percent?"

Zack crossed his arms. "Well, it's less likely to happen. On second thought, that doesn't make it impossible either."

"Then there's still hope." The psychologist arched her eyebrows. "Or aren't you expected to declare someone dead only after their body is found?"

"Well, I'm not so sure about that. If the person died in an explosion I don't think there's much of a body left to recover."

Sadie let out a laugh. "What...?"

"It's pure logic." He smiled, lifting his chin. "Weren't we having a smart chat here?"

"Well, I don't usually rate conversations according to the intelligence of the speakers."

The Soldier didn't let his smile fade, although he was tempted to do so. The woman was clever and very reasonable, so much that he didn't feel he had too many weapons to get what he wanted from her: information about Angeal. Zack suspected that his disappearance was due to Genesis' degradation; a mysterious illness that caused his mentor's best friend to defect from Shinra and develop a strong hatred for the company.

But Angeal wasn't a traitor; a man like him would never dishonor the oath of loyalty he took when he joined the ranks of Soldier. Angeal embraced the dream of defending the company as much as Zack embraced that of becoming a remembered hero.

"Hey." Sadie's voice distracted him. "Don't give up."

"Huh?" He cleared his throat. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't give up. Things may seem dark now, but..."

In that instant the coffee cup the woman was holding exploded into a thousand pieces, pierced by a sudden shot that was followed by countless sparks that burned the air around the hallway.

"What the hell is going on?!" Zack interposed his sword between them and the rain of bullets, looking for possible attackers with his eyes.

The shooters weren't long in coming; a group of spinning machines rushed into the corridor, the cannons on their mechanical arms spitting lead on the employees fleeing from the side offices.

"Get into your office!" ordered Zack to his companion, "I'll take care of this!"

* * *

**Author's note:**

This is the end of the first chapter and the beginning of the adventure that I'll share with you from now on. I invested many years in the development of _"The Why of Things"_ (the first draft dates from 2014) and I feel happy to be able to write a transformative work based on the video game that means so much to me.

I would love to know what you think of the fic! I look forward to your valuable comments, criticism, and support. _**Thanks a million for reading!**_


	2. The reason behind the hero

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 2**

**"The reason behind the hero"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

Sephiroth entered the company's main hall and his figure prevailed over the red emergency lights. The loud sirens threatened to make him deaf and Soldiers were swarming everywhere. All retreating; overpowered by the forces of the steel attackers.

What a shame. They were running away like frightened children, escaping from a beehive that was accidentally shaken during their games.

"SEPHIROTH!" Zack Fair called him from a corner, the boy was about to give in to the pressure of the enemy. "BEHIND YOU!"

His subordinate finished the sentence and he ended the threat. Two neat movements by the sharp Masamune divided the robotic horde as a house of cards that collapsed in an instant. Only three more strikes and the threat was eradicated in its entirety.

"Zack." Sephiroth made his way through the crowd of Soldiers who cheered his name with euphoric shouts of victory. "Do we have many casualties?"

The young man took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. "I have no idea, this was a riot. There are soldiers and committed civilian personnel here, you know?"

"I think it was due to an internal problem." He kicked a piece of metal from the rest, discovering a neatly engraved Shinra shield lying among the twisted scrap metal.

"A short circuit?"

Sephiroth snorted. "You don't know anything about robotics, I guess."

"Hey! Why that assumption?"

"A short circuit would never cause a machine to reveal against its creators." He smiled sardonically. "Unless you're watching a low-budget movie."

"Stop it, having an electronics degree isn't a requirement to be in Soldier." Zack crossed his arms. The surviving soldiers were gathering around them, possibly to receive instructions from their superiors before acting (he wasn't used to giving orders yet; that was always Angeal's job).

"Locate the survivors and make sure they evacuate the building," Sephiroth ordered the military under his command. "Divide the wounded according to urgency and see that they're treated as soon as possible. Medical services will arrive shortly as the alarm has been raised."

"What do we do with the remains of the hostile machines, sir?" said a 3rd Class Soldier who kept a safe distance from the wreckage.

"Don't touch them, both the internal affairs and science departments will want to examine what happened here."

Zack kept on his feet, awaiting the General's orders. "I have a bad feeling, don't you?"

Sephiroth looked over his shoulder. "Depends."

"Depends on what?"

"I have no knowledge about the nature of this feeling."

"Hmm?"

"I'll say it's a... neutral feeling."

Zack frowned, if Sephiroth suspected Genesis' intervention in the matter as much as he did, why on earth should attacking Shinra be considered something not so bad? What good could all this do?

* * *

The next day, a woman walked at a determined pace down the clean corridor of General Hospital X23. Midgar's elegant upper-deck medical center was geared to the attention of Shinra's active staff.

"Miss, do you have identification?" asked a nurse at the entrance to the emergency room.

"I belong to the Turks." She pointed to a card hanging from the lapel of her neat black suit. "My name is Cissnei."

"Right..." The nurse narrowed her eyes when she saw that only her first name was listed, but she was a Turk so it wasn't surprising that she identified herself in such a superficial way. It was unusual for her to have a name to give and not to lack a surname.

"Go ahead, which room are you going to?"

"I'm here to visit a girl who works for the mental health center. She injured her leg during yesterday's technical failure."

"I know what you mean. We have a lot of entries related to it. It's true that the incident was due to a cyber-attack by terrorists? Everyone says that a hacker messed with the programming of the machines and that's why they attacked the employees!"

Cissnei outlined a quiet smile. "I don't think it's a big deal, machines fail. Even so, it's still too early to know what happened."

The nurse grimaced with her lips. What was she thinking when she tried to get gossip out of a Turk? The employee of the mysterious internal affairs department took the gesture as the end of the conversation and made her way to her convalescent friend's room.

It seemed that civilians knew more than was good for the company. Bad news travels twice as fast, especially when they're rumors of terrorist attacks in the heart of what should be the best-protected place in Midgar.

"Can I come in?" Cissnei gently opened the door. "I heard you were initiated into the neighborhood's tradition."

Sadie (lying on a bunk with her leg up) smiled eagerly at the sight of her. "Cissnei!"

She smiled back, stopping at the foot of the bed to mumble: "It's not serious, I presume."

"No, not at all... They say it went in and out."

"I see." The Turk bent over the patient's leg, looking restlessly. "It was on the thigh. You got out lucky, there's a major artery right next to it."

Sadie shook her head. "The world is so strange. I was there, drinking coffee and chatting as usual and then... _BANG!_ I could have been off to the other world in a matter of seconds."

Cissnei grimaced, surprised to notice how well her friend could lie. It was obvious that they couldn't talk about how prepared they were to face an unforeseen situation in that place, there were too many company employees in the hospital and any of them could be in the mood to win the Snoop of the Month award.

"Were you with someone else?" She asked.

"Yes."

"Curious. Was he hurt too?"

"No, he was a Soldier."

"Soldier?" Cissnei smiled, lifting her chin. "Those guys can't get away from the nuthouse, what a way to look like wimps."

Sadie smiled at the same time. "Oh, don't be so cruel. There's nothing wrong with finding someone to talk to when you're feeling miserable or confused."

"We both know that every report filed by the health department creates a precedent for each patient's future actions. With the kind of stuff a Turk does, it's not a good idea to have a bulletin that says 'psychotic' glued to your ass when explanations are needed."

"You'd have one that would say: 'Paranoid with delusions of persecution'."

The girl smiled almost unintentionally. "Okay, enough about me. Who was the nutcase who came to consult you when the attack occurred?"

"He didn't come to consult me about anything."

"Ah." Cissnei arched her eyebrows, twisting her lips mischievously. "Does the doctor have an admirer?"

"Bah, it's nothing like that." Sadie got up a little on the bed. "I left the cafeteria and ran into him before I walked into my office."

"I'm sure it was Kunsel Reiss, that guy is always snooping around the offices."

"No, it was Zack Fair; Angeal's apprentice."

Cissnei blinked heavily. That name meant a lot to the success of her most recent mission. It wasn't good that he was sticking his nose into Sadie's business; if he did, he might find out about Angeal's infiltration project.

"I see, what a lousy apprentice if he didn't manage to defend a poor woman from a hail of bullets," she added without managing to erase the gesture of distrust that was painted on her lips.

"Give him more credit, it was a matter of a blink. Besides, his first reaction was to tell me to stay away from the battle zone. He used his own body to prevent me from being shot again while escaping."

"Hmm..." Cissnei grimaced with her lips, trying to placate her cynicism. "You know for a fact that Soldier guys don't do these things for charity."

Sadie showed her teeth in a mischievous smile. "I don't remember anymore, would you be so kind as to enlighten me with your motives?"

The other breathed in deeply, looking at the city through the window. "You know this isn't a topic that can be discussed during 'work' hours."

"It's not confidential," said Sadie, shrugging. "Everybody knows that these guys go out of their way to reach a privileged military position just to be treated like rock stars. After all, Sephiroth and Genesis have fan clubs and shows where they sign autographs."

"Sadie." Cissnei frowned. Her friend could be very good at pretending, but no one could stop her when she started complaining about the military. "Let's talk about something else."

"One day they're signing autographs," muttered the psychologist, too annoyed to give in to silence, "and the next they're sent off to a war from which they probably won't return. It's the same as Wutai."

"Shinra won that war."

"Yes, but at what cost? Many left their homes in the countryside to compete with hundreds for the dream of being a famous hero and... only few of them returned to Midgar."

"Your patient Zack is one of them."

"What?" Sadie twisted her lips, uneasy to the information that was revealed to her.

"That's right, and it better not make you talk too much." She added, whispering with a softness that contrasted with the tension of her face. "If you don't learn to control your temper you'll end up ruining everything."

The psychologist paused to digest the information, taking interest in one part of her speech. "You know a lot about Zack, not even his file mentioned that."

Cissnei nodded while looking through the glass. "I've been watching him for a long time."

"And that's because?"

"It's confidential, sorry."

Sadie shook her head and a quiet smile graced her face. "Don't apologize, I understand."

Cissnei gave her a look of complicity back, ready to resume speaking, but the sound of footsteps directed her attention to the entrance: "Speaking of the devil," she muttered as she saw none other than Fair walking down the hall, hesitating in the doorway for several seconds before entering.

"Zack, good afternoon," said Sadie, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

He took a deep breath and entered with a cordial, but insecure smile. "A comrade told me that you were among the wounded..." He stopped, uneasy at the sight of a member of the Turks standing by the window. "But I see that you have enough company."

The stranger offered one of her best-rehearsed smiles. "My name is Cissnei, I'm a friend of Sadie's."

"It's a pleasure," replied the Soldier, nodding his head briefly. "If I'm not mistaken, you work for-"

"For the Turks, yes."

"That's what I thought."

"Can I know why?"

Zack wrinkled his nose, puzzled. "The suit and that distant attitude go hand in hand, I guess."

Cissnei turned to the convalescent. "I have to attend to some work issues before six o'clock. Can you distract yourself with your new visitor while I take care of it?"

Sadie sighed. "Should you leave so quickly?"

"It'll be a moment, I'll come back in the evening and bring you something to read. I wanted to check if you were okay before going back to the apartment to finish what I was tasked with."

"All right, I'll be waiting."

The Turk nodded and left the room.

Zack crossed his arms, letting himself fall into an armchair next to the bed. "Looks like I scared your friend away."

"That is... only fifty percent accurate."

"Hmm?"

Sadie sat upright, looking him in the eye. "Cissnei doesn't know what fear is so I doubt she's scared, but is very likely that she left because of you."

"Well. You removed one of... how many? A million possibilities for which I drove her away?"

"She's very reserved." Sadie smiled, squinting as if disclosing the secret hiding place of a childhood friend. "Making small talk with a stranger isn't one of her strengths."

Zack let out a low, serious laugh. "It's understandable, but equally uncomfortable for me."

"Right, and why do you feel like that?"

He raised his index finger in a hurry. "Stop there, this isn't one of your consultations."

Sadie smiled in disgust. "What are you talking about?"

"We won't discuss my discomfort or feelings." He pointed to her blindfolded, bruised leg, "but about that stupid bullet wound you have there."

The psychologist frowned without realizing it. "It's no big deal."

"How is the wound?"

"Ah... just like any other?"

Zack let out a laugh, standing up. "You don't know much about gunshot wounds, do you?"

Sadie shook her head. "I plead guilty."

"Well, it's not like you can do all those tricks of reading minds, smelling moods and having extra time to study medicine." He bent over her leg, squinting and holding his waist. "Would you mind taking that gauze off to show me how that thing looks?"

The woman furrowed her brow even more, hiding the shudder of dread that ran through her from head to toe. "No, leave it. It's just a nasty hole."

"Hey, I know a lot about injuries. Maybe even more than these city doctors who are treating you."

"I'm telling you I don't need more advice, I'll take my medicine and wait to recover."

Zack was on the verge of leaving the conversation when a revelation crossed his mind: "Wait..." The surprise on his face gave way to a sly smile. "You shouldn't be ashamed of a boy caring about your well-being."

Sadie swallowed air, trying to look less upset than she was. It wasn't convenient that he was getting to know her so well. "I'm not very good at pretending, as far as I can see."

"Not much."

"Well..." She twisted her lips gently as she spoke. "If the wound wasn't in such a troublesome place, maybe I wouldn't have to be so rude to you."

"No, you aren't rude at all." Zack ran a hand through his hair. "I understand you well. It's just that I've already had female comrades injured in Soldier and... well, it's not that big a deal to me. One of their legs was the same as any male comrade's."

Sadie smiled at the comparison. "That's very noble of you."

"Nah, how noble or anything. It's the least expected behavior of a human being, I'd be a bastard if I thought me special for respecting the rights of someone else."

"You have good morals for a..."

"For a...?"

"For someone who kills people," she said in a whisper, still upset by Cissnei's recent confession.

Zack breathed in and let out a long sigh, staring out the window. "So that's what you think of a Soldier? Someone who kills others can't respect anyone?"

The psychologist's voice was just a whisper when she responded: "Don't you think it's a little hypocritical? To respect some people and go over others just because your boss tells you to?"

"So you're another pacifist who disapproves of what happened in Wutai."

"You make it sound like it's an incurable disease."

"Pacifism?"

"Yes."

"Closing your eyes to the fact that wars are necessary could be considered a disease. What about voluntary blindness?"

Sadie arched her lips in a grimace. "You can't be serious."

"The government is required to defend the country from any external threat."

"That wasn't an act of defense," she interrupted him energetically, unable to contain her frustration. "That was an invasion."

"Surrender was suggested to them, they refused and were told they would be forced to cooperate. He who warns you can't betray you."

Sadie snorted. "You military people not only commit atrocities, but to make matters worse, you justify them!"

"A just battle, of men facing each other with the same capabilities, isn't an atrocity."

Sadie looked away, fixing her eyes on her hands clenched like fists on the sheets. "Soldier's army is made up of..."

"Monsters, right?"

"Different humans." She took a breath, slowly regaining her composure. "You're improved humans, they're biologically natural. It wasn't a fair fight."

"If they don't have the resources to fight at our level, then they should be more humble and accept when we offer our energy. This stupid war began when they refused to build reactors on their land."

"Would you kill a child, Zack?"

"What?!" He stood up, agitated. "Of course not! Never!"

"Why?"

"Well, because he's a child! He's... too small to fight!"

"So... is there a certain age at which it's acceptable to take the life of another human being?"

The room fell into the deepest silence, Zack pressed his lips together and looked away. "It's not like that."

"So what's it like?"

The young man dropped his head, looking at his feet as if the answer to the question he already asked himself several times would escape from them. "Sometimes we have to do things we don't like to get to those we want to."

"To be a hero... do you have to be a villain first?"

"What?" Zack watched her carefully. "How do you know I want to be a hero?"

"Oh, I didn't know that was your goal too."

"Well, it is."

The woman shrugged. "Everyone who joins Soldier wants the same thing. Everyone wants to be like Sephiroth; famous, strong and admired. The only thing that changes is _why."_

"So _why..."_

"What's yours, Zack? What's the reason you want to be a hero?"

He noticed she was looking at him in a serene yet defiant way, with the evening light coming through the window and illuminating her from behind. She seemed so vulnerable as confident and he was dying to give her an answer that affirmed his will to fulfill his life's desire. The reason he left everything behind to join Shinra's ranks.

What he wanted to achieve, he knew it with certainty. He wanted to reach the top, to be recognized and sought out when needed. But what for?

"I guess..." He mumbled. "I guess I want to do things right."

Sadie didn't look away from him. "Why wait to be a hero to make things right? Why not start now?"

Zack laughed nervously, dropping his shoulders dramatically. "Do you know that you ask the strangest questions?"

"Weird is good." Sadie looked both ways in disbelief, causing her companion's laughter to intensify.

"I'm not going to argue with you anymore." Zack took a breath, the ghost of the smile still dancing on his lips. "I'll make things right and later I'll look for all the _reasons_ that make you happy, okay?"

She bent her head to the side, still confused by his reaction. "But are you aware of _what_ _it means to do things right?"_

"I'll be from now on."

* * *

**See you next time!**


	3. The Flower Angel

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 3**

**"The Flower Angel"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

One week went by before he ran into her again.

The psychologist left the corporation with the help of a cane; the bandages around her leg peeking out under her skirt. Zack followed her with his gaze, he stopped trying to get information from Angeal through talks days ago. Following her wasn't very proper of him, but it would provide clues as to whether she still had some kind of contact with his mentor.

Because she had to, didn't she? Angeal Hewley was a focused and diligent man. It would've taken too much weight on his heart for him to risk sharing it with someone else.

He had to put his thoughts aside, since (contrary to what he saw her do in the last few days) Sadie didn't get into her car, but went straight to the train station. He followed her without getting too close, the crowd that left their jobs that night helped him to blend in, although it risked engulfing the object of his persecution.

He reached into his pockets for some coins to pay for the trip. Fortunately, the trains were wide and usually filled with passengers, which would prevent her from seeing him get on.

"How far will you go?" asked one of the gatekeepers who watched the wagons.

"Give me a full ride, they still have to confirm my destination." He replied while extending his Soldier pass along with the ticket payment.

"Yeah, of course." The man handed him back his change. "There are many Soldiers who come to the suburbs without even knowing what to do."

Zack forced a smile and peeked behind the goalie's shoulder. "Occupational hazards, my friend."

The guy nodded and let him in. The crowd behind him complained about the sharp edge of the sword that cut through several purses and jackets as it passed by.

Sadie's pale hair was hard to miss and her shiny locks peeked out in one of the first rows of the last wagon. She was distantly sitting with that dull look she'd always have when she thought no one was looking. Zack couldn't help but be curious about the strange mix of serenity and darkness that made up his psychologist's personality.

He leaned against the icy steel of the train and his body joined the engine's starting motion. The woman lived in the upper sector and the journey ended in the suburbs. Could she have any family in that area? Any kind of business? Or perhaps... something related to Angeal's whereabouts to attend to?

He wished with all his heart that it was the latter.

Recently, Sephiroth shared a fact that made his blood run cold. It was suspected that Shinra's raid was the work of a defector; a traitor who altered the robotic defense squad's software codes. Definitely a former employee and arguably one with access to the science and technology department's facilities. Only Angeal and Genesis could claim such a profile. If his mentor showed up... Shinra would target him for research.

It took about forty-five minutes for the train bell to ring, signaling that the device had reached the end of its journey. Zack was sitting in one of the free seats, crouched down so as not to be seen by the others. Only four people besides him and Sadie were moving around, all eager to get off the train after the long ride.

One of the passengers approached the psychologist and offered to help her down, but the girl refused the offer with a brief "Don't worry, the cane is more than enough", and immediately left for the front steps.

It was his time to come down.

He jumped into the back seat with ease, sneaking to the back door and off the train in a blink. He used some wreckage lying next to the tracks to hide when the passengers went through the station.

Sadie made her way through the dark, decaying suburbs while being closely followed by her pursuer. The Soldier couldn't help but think that something wasn't quite right, they were leaving the urban area and slowly moving into the place where Shinra dumped its debris and garbage.

Suddenly, a ruined cathedral appeared in front of him, glowing in the midst of desolation. The girl pushed a wooden door to go inside and Zack approached quietly, intimidated by the size of the oak panel that faced him. Somehow... he felt that something truly important was waiting for him on the other side.

* * *

"Sadie." The girl standing in front of the flower bushes that grew in the middle of the church smiled broadly. "Welcome back."

The visitor couldn't help but return the gesture, the joy that always surrounded the florist was too contagious.

"What are you doing down here?" she asked without waiting for his guest to answer. "Did you come to visit Mr. Mysterious?"

Sadie slipped onto one of the cathedral benches, massaging her leg as she whispered: "With this walking problem I lost track of him, I want to hear about his affairs."

"I didn't see him anywhere."

"No?"

"And to think that he used to visit me at the church very often."

"Aerith." Sadie narrowed her eyes as she called out her name. "You didn't see him at the market either? Or at the inn?"

"Not at all..." She shook her head after getting up from the garden. "But the last time I spoke to him he seemed very upset, so I asked him what was wrong."

"What did he say?"

"That he was worried about his friend's health. He was... seriously sick and he didn't know how to cure him." She sighed softly. "That's common in Midgar, especially on the bottom plate. We have so many calamities and so few miracles around here."

"It's because miracles don't exist."

Aerith turned to look at her. "Don't claim that until you see one."

"That doesn't make sense. The only force I trust is that of human beings to get up on their legs and move on, praying and waiting for miracles isn't going to heal anyone."

"Come on, Sadie." She played with one of the flower petals in her basket. "There wouldn't be miracles without humans to perform them; we're the planet's tool."

The psychologist looked at her sideways. Aerith seemed to be naive, but she saw her use a special and rare wisdom on several occasions that gave her much to think about.

"Oh..." The florist looked back at a crack in the cathedral's stone wall. "I think there's someone behind that wall."

"What?" Sadie stood up, leaning on her cane with a somber expression. "Don't get close."

"What are you going to do?"

The psychologist raised her voice: "Who's back there?" But she didn't get an answer. "Hmm, maybe it was just someone passing by."

"No." Aerith frowned, firmly holding the basket she was carrying. "I'm sure there's someone there, I can feel it."

Sadie gave her a puzzled look. "What do you mean, you can feel it?"

"Hey, you can come out now!" She echoed with her palms to increase her voice's volume. "We both caught you!"

"Don't say both, I didn't see anyone."

"Quiet, he doesn't have to know."

Zack took a long breath and stepped through the crack into the cathedral. "Guess I'm not fit for a Turk..."

Sadie arched her eyebrows in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

"I can ask you the same thing."

"I don't see why you care."

"The suburbs aren't a playground for a wealthy Midgar girl."

She gasped loudly, outraged by what she heard. "What gave you the impression that I'm a wealthy girl?"

"What wouldn't?" replied the Soldier with a cynical smile. "Or is Shinra providing charity counseling to the bottom plate beggars?"

"That we live here," said Aerith, approaching Zack in a determined manner, "doesn't mean we're beggars."

Who gave her a candle at the funeral? He was ready to reply to whom he considered a busybody when he noticed the tenderness of her features, the shine of her eyes and the elegance of her posture. An angel carrying the finest flowers he had ever seen.

"I..." He took a breath, smiling from ear to ear at the figure in front of him. "Forgive me for putting it that way! But for the people above, you... But not you! The others! They're... uh, how should I put it?"

Aerith let a crystalline laugh out. "You're only making it worse by trying to apologize like that."

Zack dropped his shoulders, surrendering both to the argument and the beauty of the florist. "I must find a way to apologize, right?"

"Oh, no need. I don't mind hearing what Shinra's dogs think."

Zack blinked, perplexed. "W, what did you call me?"

Aerith blinked with a spark of clear innocence in her eyes. "That's what they're called, isn't it?"

"W, who?"

"You! Soldiers! Isn't that the name... of your army or something?"

"Oh! No, no... not at all. Shinra's dogs... well, it's more of an insult." Zack scratched the back of his neck, amused by the surprise stamped on Aerith's face.

"AHH! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO INSULT YOU!"

"I know, I know..." He moved one hand as if wanting to push the imaginary offense away. "I called your neighbors beggars, so you deserved to call me Shinra's dog."

Another laugh erupted from her lips. "Good, good. Now we're even, I guess you won't be saying anything like that again."

"Smart dogs learn fast, miss."

"Can they really?"

"Sure. Sadly, though, we can't read anyone's mind."

"Oh. And why would a dog want to read minds?"

"How about to know your name?"

She smiled, fiddling with a buttercup flower as she said: "There's no need to read minds if I can tell you; my name is Aerith."

Zack smiled at the same time, that was a very suitable name. "And I'm Zack, it's a pleasure to meet you."

They stared into each other's eyes and briefly felt that special link shared by two strangers whose paths intertwine more than usual.

"Aerith." The psychologist's voice rang in the back of her mind. "If you hear from _you-know-who,_ let me know. I'll come as soon as possible."

"Oh!" The girl blinked, pulling herself away from the Soldier. "But Sadie, you came all this way for nothing!"

"I guarantee he'll have to sit through two or three lectures from me when he shows up." She looked at her wearily, her eyes furtively resting on Zack. "You know that he likes to be seen _in private."_

"Ah..." Aerith frowned, Sadie stated that Mr. Mysterious wasn't fond of dealing with strangers. "It's true, he'll get into a terrible mood if he has to deal with outsiders."

Sadie was about to walk out of the church when she realized that Zack had blocked her way, looking coldly and inquisitively as he spoke: "Does this have anything to do with Angeal?"

"Why would it?"

Zack grimaced. "Don't answer me with a question. I believe you know what happened to him."

"Your suspicions aren't my concern." She tapped her foot gently against the ground. "So if you have nothing else to object, I must return before it gets too late and the trains stop running."

"Suddenly you're in a hurry? If you had to stay with your patient you wouldn't have bothered to leave a little later."

"Look, Zack..." Sadie sighed, dropping her eyebrows on her eyelids as she explained. "I know this is going to be very disappointing for you, but the truth is that my personal affairs are none of your business."

"You work for Shinra, which means that they matter if the safety of a fellow Soldier is threatened."

"Threatened...?" The woman smiled, clearly tired of the interrogation. "You don't have the slightest idea, do you?" She paused, dialing an unknown number on the phone as she walked away. "There's no Soldier member involved. So stay cool and don't make me report that one of my patients went crazy and started following me around Midgar."

"I'm not crazy!"

"You seem to be, harassing me with your stupid fabrications wherever I go." She looked over her shoulder as she came close to crossing the doorway. "If you want to find Angeal, stop begging others for information and think for yourself."

Zack was speechless, letting her go without knowing what to say. Aerith walked over to his side, stopping next to him to ask: "Who is this Angeal to you?"

"Oh." The Soldier was startled, he'd forgotten the florist was still there. "Well... Angeal is my mentor, the one who looked after me since I joined Soldier."

"And he disappeared?"

"Yeah. We were looking for a comrade who disappeared after Wutai's war, but I lost him in the middle of the search."

"I see. Maybe Angeal..."

"What?"

"Oh, no. I'm probably wrong."

"Please, an opinion doesn't hurt anyone. Tell me!"

Aerith took a hand to her chin. "Maybe his disappearance is related to that of his missing friend?"

Zack opened his mouth wide as he felt a powerful _eureka_ burst into his mind. "THAT IS!"

"That...?" The florist tilted her head to the side. "Did you find a clue?"

He placed his gloved hands on his listener's little shoulders, with a bright smile flashing on his face as he admitted: "And I did it because of you!" He took a deep breath, trying to articulate the words as slowly as his excitement allowed him: "Genesis wants to retaliate against Shinra for something unknown to me. And Angeal left to change his mind! Angeal wants to save him!"

Aerith blinked, uncomfortable in his grip. "Genesis is the lost friend?"

Zack heard a fragment of Loveless in his head, the novel the defector was obsessed with:

_"The infinite mystery._

_Three men sought the gift of the goddess. Yet their paths diverged by war._

_One was a hero, one wandered the earth... The last, prisoner fell._

_But the three were united by their solemn oath: to seek an answer together, once more."_

"The war split them up," he muttered to himself. "Whatever happened in Wutai divided them." He looked around, setting the scene in his mind. "Sephiroth is the hero, Genesis is the traveler, and the prisoner is...?"

"The prisoner is Angeal."

"Yes, at least that's what Genesis intends."

"Is he going to imprison his friend when he tries to persuade him to return?" The girl grimaced. "That doesn't speak very well of his concept of friendship."

"Tell me, Aerith..." Zack took a step backwards, flashing her with his most gallant smile. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Hmm, it depends on what kind of favor it is."

"Could you tell me who the patient of the doctor who was here a few minutes ago is?"

"Sadie?"

"Yep."

"Oh." Aerith shook her head, putting her hands behind her waist. "That wouldn't be right of me, she was very clear about not wanting you to meddle in her affairs."

"Yes, of course. I know she said that, but there's too much at stake to let her judgment stop me!" Zack put his hands on his hips, staring at the vault that acted as a roof over the ruined church. "Angeal may be in danger. A psychologist's professional secrecy is worthless compared to the risk of letting something happen to my mentor."

"But... she trusts me."

"Where do you know her from?"

"Sadie?" Zack nodded, so Aerith replied: "There was an accident on the top plate and a man fell from there into this cathedral," she pointed to the hole in the roof. "I don't know how he didn't kill himself, I found him asleep on my flowers when I came in the morning."

The Soldier stared at the ceiling with furrowed eyebrows, the fall endured by the guy was insane. No ordinary human could survive an accident of such magnitude. "What does this have to do with the psychologist?"

"His cell phone rang nonstop and all the calls were from her, so I picked up the phone and told her how to find him."

"And she came all the way here?"

"Sure. She seemed very worried and repeated that _'she knew this was going to happen'_ over and over again. I thought she was his wife or some family member, but she told me he was one of her patients."

"I see, so that's the famous patient she comes to visit in the suburbs."

"Yes, he got pretty badly hurt and couldn't get back to his folks, so she comes to check on him from time to time."

"That doesn't sound very credible." Zack swayed in place. "That guy doesn't have a single family member to pick him up and move him back upstairs?"

Aerith pouted, confused. "I know it sounds strange. In fact, all this time I thought she was a... you know, a medical doctor and not a psychologist. I thought she was coming to see him because he was hurt."

"That woman works for Shinra, she's in charge of analyzing and providing mental treatment to the staff."

"Shinra?" She got slightly depressed. "I see."

Zack frowned and crossed his arms across his chest. "He probably won't return to the top due to something else that's holding him back, not because of his injuries." He sighed. "I need to know if he isn't Angeal or Genesis. Can I see him in person?"

The florist dropped her shoulders with resignation. "I'm sorry, but I don't know where he is."

"What?"

"I know he's hiding somewhere in the suburbs because Sadie always greets me before she goes to treat him, but she never told me how to get there."

"And you didn't think of following her?"

Aerith blinked hard. "And why would I do that? I have no reason to be suspicious of her."

"That's true..." Zack clutched his waist and bowed his head to admit: "Still, it was really nice of you to help me. I guess I'll have to take other routes to find this so-called patient."

"I'm sure you'll find your friend very soon."

"Do you think so?"

"Yeah. No force can separate two people who want to be together for too long."

_Who want to be together._

Zack was sure of wanting to meet his mentor, but... did Angeal want to meet him? It was an unanswered question, so he had to rely on his unwavering loyalty. He needed to keep his spirits up and his pain hidden in an invisible corner of his hardened heart.

That's how he'd been since childhood; an optimist by force. It didn't matter if things went wrong, Zack would say they were great. A certain psychologist who came to his mind would've called him a hopeless liar.

"Well, it's late and I have to get home or mom will worry," said the florist's distant voice. "You should go, too."

"Ah!" Zack ran a hand across his forehead, uneasy with being caught daydreaming about lies and optimism. "Do you live near here?"

Aerith stopped at the front door, holding the bark as she looked at him with the purest mistrust stamped on her face. "Yes, but I can get there by myself."

"Oh, that's better." Zack ran a hand through his hair and chuckled softly. "I wouldn't want to ask you out in front of your mother."

"Huh?" The girl opened her eyes wide, laughing in disbelief. "A date, you say?"

"I have to thank you for your help somehow, don't I?" He crossed his arms with a smile that grew along with his confidence. "It'll be less embarrassing if I can bid you farewell here and now. That way we can arrange where and when we're going to meet again without your mom whipping me out with her broom."

"Oh." Aerith struggled to hold back the laughter, but failed to. "But you don't sound ashamed at all, are you sure you can feel something like shame?"

"Of course I can! Just reject me and I'll become really embarrassed."

The girl arched her lips shyly and stared at her feet. "I don't know if I want to see you like that..."

"Then accept my offer and you won't have to." Zack kept smiling without moving closer to the place where Aerith was standing. He felt that she would run away if he came even one inch closer.

"Well..." She turned away, tapping her chin with her fingertips. "I have to do some shopping tomorrow, and the compost bags are so heavy! Maybe you can help me to carry them from the market to my house." She looked at him sideways, expectantly.

"Compost?" His smile froze at her request, carrying excrement bags through the suburbs wasn't his idea of an ideal date.

"Oh, wouldn't you like to join me?" Aerith shrugged and opened the oak door to add: "I have an even nicer garden at home, I thought you might like to see it."

"N, No! Of course I like the idea!" Zack nodded repeatedly. "You can count on it! Tomorrow I'll be here! Ready to take a compost truck on my back!"

* * *

**Author's note:**

That's all for today! I've always liked this chapter, he he. I want to thank the readers who were interested in the fic's concept and also those who gave it Kudos on AO3. I cherish your kindness and support with all my heart! :')


	4. Betrayal

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 4**

**"Betrayal"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

Sadie felt a pull on her thigh when she got on tiptoes to pick a book from the shelf. A month had passed since the aisle incident, and the injury kept reminding her of Angeal's scheme to overthrow the sinister company they belonged to.

She squeezed the tome in her hands, staring at the desk where her PHS rested. Winter would begin soon and it bothered her greatly that no attacks had been reported in more than four weeks.

Why leave Midgar when he was ready to obtain the revenge he longed for? Did he encounter any setback related to the terrible disease that seemingly spread from Genesis to him?

"Sadie, excuse me!" Zack walked into the office as if it were his own home, smiling at the psychologist's bemused expression. "It's Friday, remember? I have to confess my sins today."

"Ah!" She rubbed her temples, leaving the book on a little table. "My head is all over the place..."

The Soldier dropped onto his favorite armchair, a soft ivory-colored one. The upholstery leather smelt like jasmine. "We can change places if you want, you confess and I advise."

Sadie grimaced, handing him a lollipop from her desk's candy tray. "I don't even want to think about what kind of advice you'd give to someone like me."

"Well, someone whose life's going so well as mine can certainly give you some tips to improve yours." Zack took the candy and shoved it straight into his mouth. "Ah! Vanilla! My favorite!"

"So, everything's going well?" Sadie poured a cup of coffee and drank it quickly, staring at her patient with her lower face covered by the rim. "Tell me."

Zack took a deep breath, smiling from ear to ear as he admitted: "I'm dating Aerith!"

Sadie raised her eyebrows, blinking strongly. "The... florist?"

"The very same!"

She lowered her cup, opening her lips in surprise. "Since when?"

"Well, it's not like we said: 'We're going out starting today'. It was... something fairly gradual."

The psychologist smiled mischievously. "Gradual how? There has to be a moment when you took the relationship to that level."

"We..." Zack closed his eyes, pressing his mouth into a line. "Well... no. We never exchanged that kind of conversation. We just chat on the phone, walk around together and that's it."

"And how do you know if she thinks you're dating her?" Sadie showed her teeth with malice, leaning forward. "Maybe she's hanging out with another guy who had that sort of talk with her."

The Soldier groaned in frustration. "Damn it! Why do you always have to ruin everything?!"

"Me?" She blinked naively. "How can I ruin something I had nothing to do with?"

"You do it with your..." he fumbled for the words, running his hand over his face, "...twisted logic!

Sadie smiled. Finding and pressing the buttons that drove him crazy was so tempting as fun, but that didn't mean she wanted to ruin his joyful and romantic announcement. "Well..." She added to redeem whatever her _twisted logic_ might have shattered. "And what have you done so far?"

Zack looked at her sideways, a little sulky but curious by the question. "What do you mean so far?"

"Did you have dinner together? Have you kissed her yet? Did you meet her parents?"

"Hey, hey, hey, no!" He shook his head vigorously, crossing his arms. "I'm definitely not sharing those things with you."

"Oh." Sadie stood up, raising her eyebrows and facing away. "I don't see what's wrong with it, those things have a huge impact on your mental health. The first kiss leaves a big mark on the relationship."

Zack put a hand between the two of them. "They may have all the benefits that you and your nerdy brain doctor books say... but that doesn't give me any reason to keep you aware of the intimacies of my... uh, relationship!"

The girl walked around the room, taking a chair and sitting in the other corner. She stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before turning to her patient again. "People make a lot of fuss about something so natural as having a partner, don't they?" She smiled as she narrowed her eyes. "I truly wish for your happiness, Aerith is an honest and caring girl."

Zack smiled in turn, touched by the good wishes. "Thank you, Sadie."

The woman nodded, writing down her patients' appointments dates in a notebook. "And has anything else happened during this time, besides your new relationship?"

"Oh, yes." He sat up straight in the chair. "I went on a mission a few days ago, destination: Modeoheim. We had a helicopter crash, did you hear?"

Sadie's eyes widened. "You were there?"

"And Tseng too. No one was hurt, but boy, could we be! It was quite a blow."

"I heard about it, but Shinra didn't disclose the names of those involved."

"Of course not, we don't even know what hit us." He grimaced, annoyed at the thought of who caused the accident. Genesis... the guy wouldn't give up. He attacked them from midair as they approached the facility where he hoarded all of his damn copies, and Zack couldn't even ask him anything about Angeal.

"Can you explain what good came from all that?" Sadie interrupted his thoughts.

"Right!" He smiled, distracted. "Well, one of the men who came with us turned out to be a country boy like me. His name is Cloud and he's in the infantry. He's the first outsider I've ever had the pleasure of talking to. You should see him, he's shy as an ocelot!"

"I see! I haven't treated a single infantryman yet, are you both from the same place?"

"No. He's from Nibelheim and I'm from Gongaga." He drew an invisible line with his arms. "It's a godforsaken village, but it has its charm! Sure... if you like solitude or getting up early to feed the goats."

Sadie leaned forward with interest. "And how can someone who grew up so close to nature live in a place like Midgar?"

"Bah. No one chooses to be born in the outskirts. I was unlucky; incredible parents, but a village with the opportunities of an Icicle's cave."

"Being a farmer didn't meet your expectations, huh?"

Zack blew air between his teeth. "Of course not. I like technology and combat. I've thought about nothing but being a Soldier since I was a kid."

"Don't you miss your home? Or your parents?"

"Do you ask in your psychologist's role or because you care?" He smiled and shook his head slowly. "At times I wonder if you ask me about these things just to fill out some mysterious form with my whole personality."

Sadie's dark eyebrows furrowed as she wrinkled her nose, giving her an attitude that was so decisive as childlike. "Don't think I'm doing this just to spread gossip to Shinra!"

Zack smiled, showing his right palm as if his point was the most obvious of all. "But isn't that your job? I thought you were paid to listen to the employees' secrets and tell the top brass what's going on in their subordinates' minds."

"Do I have to tell you again about professional secrecy?"

"Of course not. That's the damn reason you refuse to tell me what Angeal told you before he left."

Sadie pressed her lips together in a thin line. "I listen and evaluate the patient during each consultation. What I hand over to Shinra after that... is my assessment of the case and absolutely nothing else."

Zack's eyes narrowed, his face hard as a rock when he whispered: "And did your assessment of Angeal's last words on the floor lead to him being... vanished?"

The psychologist stared at him, eyes brighter and bolder than he could ever recall seeing when she spat out the words fiercely: "I had nothing to do with it... but the opposite!"

"But the opposite!" He stood up, shortening the distance between them. "Why don't you tell me what you know?!"

Sadie tilted her body to the side, dodging his imposing build to extend her index finger and point at his face with contempt: "I don't have to tell you anything! What's a guy like you going to do with all this information that hasn't worked for someone like me?"

Zack raised his hands and curled his fingers tightly, trying to channel the anger that was starting to take hold of him. "What do you mean with a guy like me?! I'm not some simpleton whom you can shove your stupid schooling in his face to make him quit!"

She took a step back, upset at herself for noticing how daunting it was to confront a guy she considered a blockhead. "Well, if my schooling isn't enough to solve the problem, much less could you do it with your _oh-so-great_ Shinra's dog privileges!"

Shinra's dog.

Where did he hear that before? Aerith... she said that the first time they met, right?

_"Oh, no need. I don't mind hearing what Shinra's dogs think."_

_"W, what did you call me?"_

_"That's what they're called, isn't it?"_

Zack's eyes widened to their fullest extent when she confronted him with increasing tension. Sadie's expression reminded him of a lone warrior willing to fight an army with just a fan to defend themselves. "You...! You're from the suburbs!" He desperately said, feeling that all the missing pieces of the puzzle had found their place.

Sadie opened her mouth an inch, shrugging like a child caught in the middle of a prank. "Don't be stupid!"

"You called me Shinra's dog!"

She shook her head, moving past him to get to the exit door. "Everyone calls you like that!"

Zack lunged after her, holding the doorknob firmly in his hand. "What a dumb excuse for someone who thinks she's so smart!"

"Stop it!" Sadie tried to loosen his grip on the knob. "I'm sick of your paranoid fantasies! I'm not from the bottom... plate! I don't know jack shit about Angeal... and I'm going to break your fucking wrist if you don't let me out of here!"

The Soldier laughed in disbelief; she was going to break him? Him? A 1st Class Soldier? He grabbed her by the wrists and faced her with weariness. "And why would you want to leave your own office?"

"To tell my boss you're crazy!"

Zack tiredly denied: "When you're mad you stop thinking clearly: Do you think I'll let you out if you threaten to ruin my career as soon as I do?"

Sadie flailed, kicking him in the calf without causing him any harm. "Then you'll have to kill me, because I'm not letting it all go down the drain because of Angeal's stupid apprentice!"

"What's does this _all_ mean...?" He released her and sighed when the girl blew out her wrists; they were sore and bruised from the pressure of his grip. "Hey, forgive me. I didn't measure my strength when trying to hold you."

"Shut up." She looked over her shoulder resentfully. "No one needs your apologies here."

"Please..." He ran a hand behind his head. "I'm dying to hear something about him."

The psychologist raised her chin, squinting with contempt. "To hell with you. You'll get nothing more from me, Zack." She swung the door wide open, storming out of the room. "And don't ever step into my office again!"

"Sadie!" Zack rushed into the hallway. "Come back here! I'm not done with you yet!"

"Oh, for God's sake!" The woman gasped when she realized she was being chased. "Do you ever give up?!"

"STOP RUNNING AWAY!" He followed her down the aisle, up the front steps and down the main hall. How did she reach that speed by fleeing in high heels?!

Sadie ran through the huge automated front doors, making her way through the multitude of employees who were going in and out of the building. She was about to step outside when she caught sight of the Soldier after her.

"DAMN, SADIE! STOP!"

Never.

She couldn't get caught.

Angeal's, Cissnei's and her own fate were close to being seriously compromised. How could she be so careless?! If she ran away, perhaps the people she cared about would be cleared of suspicion.

Zack saw her cross the main avenue in despair, she had her PHS glued to her face and mouthed quick phrases on the device. She was asking for help, contacting whoever could help her get out of his sight. All those years in the military weren't for nothing; he could predict a fugitive's actions so well as his own.

He jumped over a vehicle across the street, standing only two meters from his prey. The girl fled without looking back and he exploited her carelessness to draw his sword. Not that he planned to hurt her... but threatening her would be enough to make her stop.

It was then that his superhuman sight caught a motion he only saw in situations far more dangerous than a civilian chase. Sadie turned when they were less than three feet apart, drawing her right hand out of the bag to reveal an automatic pistol aimed right at his face.

"SHIT!" He ducked in time to dodge the shot, slowly getting up to notice how a rickety van slammed on the brakes in front of the psychologist. "DAMN IT!" He threw his sword between the vehicle and himself, desperate to prevent her from slipping out of his hands.

But it was only a matter of seconds before Sadie climbed into the back of the truck and the machine started moving again.

Zack gasped, watching them get lost down the street. He could still see Sadie in the distance, standing by the back door with the bleakest expression he had ever seen on her face.

* * *

"You have no idea what you did!" Cried Jessie from the back of the truck that picked up Sadie as she fled. "What the hell could've been so unbearable that you got yourself chased by a Soldier?!"

"I..." She sank into the back seat with an absent look on her face. "I lost control. He said I was from the suburbs and... I couldn't deny it."

"That's it?!" Shouted Biggs, the driver. "What's wrong with coming from the bottom?! Did the bastard even know about our group?!"

"N, no!"

"Then why the hell did you ran away?!" The man held the steering wheel tightly, trying to break through the heavy traffic that slowed them down more and more. "And you shot him too! ARE YOU INSANE?! HOW ON EARTH DID YOU GET A GUN?!"

"I got it like you would have!" She grunted, holding on to the seat that was shaking as much as the truck. "I wasn't safe anymore and I wanted to protect myself! But you wouldn't have cared if I was killed, you'd have sent someone else in my place!"

"And it would've been better than this! A whole year of work lost!" Biggs drove around a car headed in the opposite direction, making the passengers shake in surprise. "We fought tooth and nail to contact Angeal and get him to understand us!"

"I know!"

"You know damn well that nobody in that damn company listens to us!"

"I tell you I know!" Sadie ran a hand over her face. "But Zack was asking so many questions and I couldn't refuse to tell him the truth anymore!"

"Zack?" Jessie's jaw fell. "The Soldier's apprentice was the one who exposed you?" For an instant, all that could be heard was the hustle and bustle of the battered vehicle, until Sadie nodded and Jessie mumbled: "So Angeal's favorite put you on the ropes."

"I was feeling like crap for being unable to tell him where his mentor was."

Biggs sneered: "Worse than for spoiling the perfect chance to learn about the enemy? I don't think so."

"I..." Sadie ran her hand behind her neck, biting her lower lip. "I didn't think about that. I know I screwed up, okay? But... I swear I tried to make things right!"

"You'll probably land on Shinra's wanted list," said Jessie. "We can't afford to protect you if the Turks come after you. You should think about leaving Midgar as soon as possible."

The van stopped abruptly, throwing everyone off balance due to the slowdown.

"What are you doing, Biggs? I cracked my head on the dashboard!"

"Shut the fuck up, Jessie! Don't you see what's out there?!"

"You drive like a drunk and you tell me to shut up?!"

"Are you blind?! I can't go forward without getting us killed!"

The woman got quiet when she looked ahead. A full contingent of Shinra's Soldiers was blocking the avenue, pointing high-caliber weapons from behind a barricade.

Sadie leaned out of the driver's cab, white as a sheet of paper out of fear. Of course, Zack wouldn't stop at something so simple as a van escape. The fugitive bitterly remembered that _Shinra's dogs_ never let their prey escape.

Never.

* * *

Sadie ignored how many hours she spent sitting in that chair. The interrogation room was cold and dark, an aluminum table and some old magazines stacked on top were her only company.

What could've happened to Jessie and Biggs?

She hadn't heard from them since they were pulled from the van and treated as criminals by Shinra's troops. Maybe they were as isolated as she was, waiting for who knows what from their captors?

She felt sick just by thinking about what they might do to them for information. The Turks were the biggest nightmare of anyone who resisted the company and Cissnei couldn't interfere. They didn't need another leak in their plans.

Why the hell couldn't Zack stop asking her stuff that she was having such a hard time hiding? If it wasn't for his insistence, she-

The door opened with a sharp squeak, interrupting her thoughts.

"Are you the psychologist?" Asked a military officer who was holding a spreadsheet in his hands. "Don't get up, sit down."

Sadie (who slowly stood up when he entered) obeyed in disbelief. He wasn't a Turk, but an infantryman doing routine work with an arrested suspect. She didn't have to worry... yet.

"Tell me if the following information is correct." He looked down at the sheet, or at least that's what Sadie assumed when he bowed his head.

With those helmets on you never knew for sure where they were looking at. She always asked them to take those things off in her office, one couldn't have a normal conversation without making eye contact with the patients.

"Miss Darcy, do you hear me?"

"Oh... sorry, I got distracted."

"I noticed. Is this your signature?" He handed her some documents over the table. "They're employees' entry and exit logs over the past two months."

"Yes... it's my signature." She raised her eyebrows as she looked at the papers. "Why are you asking me this? I've been working at this place for a year now, you have enough paperwork to prove it."

"You don't ask the questions here."

Sadie clenched her lips and her fists at the same time. "And I won't give you the answers either, so you can keep the formalities where they fit."

"Oh..." The trooper looked at her briefly before speaking. "Are you sure this is the way you want things to be? If you cooperate with Shinra, this whole terrorist thing that was going on in the car can be... forgotten."

"That's extortion!"

"I'm not qualified to answer that. Maybe you want to be properly told by a member of the Turks?"

She understood the veiled threat that his question posed. If a Turk wanted to get information, he would get it in a far more violent way. "I won't say a word," she muttered, shrugging uncertainly at her assertion.

Could she keep her mouth shut if they pressed her? If they tortured her or threatened the people she loved? She failed to keep silent in the face of Fair's easy, unfounded questions. How could she expect to hold herself together and guard Avalanche's secret scheme, when she failed on such a simple task?

"Then so be it..." The trooper stood up, walked to the door and left without a word.

"I can't go back now," she mumbled, folding her hands on the table and resting her chin on them. "I can only go forward now, right?"

The plan didn't fail, it just changed.

Sadie took off her jacket and wrapped it around her right arm. During that year she tried to forget who she was; to dream of a different life and other choices. Human beings intrigued her, she wanted to understand them and help them to understand each other too, but her tutor was right: she was doomed to walk a path written by someone else.

Angeal's voice echoed in the back of her mind, bringing back memories of a past talk: _"I'm nothing but a failure."_

_"Don't think like that of yourself," said a younger Sadie._

_"Not a human, not a beast... Isn't that a failure?"_

_"You can recover from this and rise higher; I know it's possible to stop this disease, but you need to unmask Shinra first."_

_The truth behind Shinra. The forces that drove the electrical behemoth's workings were far more sinister than the depletion of natural resources that Avalanche fought to prevent._

_"I want to help, but I don't have the strength or the reputation to join a fight like that," complained Sadie, her eyes fixed on her skinny, trembling hands._

_Angeal smiled mischievously in response:_ _"There must be something you can do, not all battles can be won with muscles or speeches."_

_"I guess... I like to read books."_

_"About what?"_

_"People."_

_"Right. Then I have a job for you." He encouraged her with a pat on the shoulder. "But don't give up on me! A person's honor is measured by the perseverance he employs in fulfilling his duty!"_

Sadie stopped in front of the glass door that stood between herself and her freedom, her eyes fixed on the reflection when she declared: "I will not wait for death, I'm going to persevere!"

The door received the impact of her blow and scattered on the floor as if it were made of paper. The girl rushed out of the room, afraid of being heard by her captors, but her flight was cut short when an object crashed unexpectedly into her face.

Her eyesight faded and several flashes of light paraded in front of her eyes.

"Stop there!" Shouted the guard who punched her as he reached for the paralyzing rod slot in his belt.

Sadie's eyes widened as she witnessed her attacker's moves; if she managed to snatch the rod from him, she could increase her chances of escape. She stood up, ignoring the pain due to the adrenaline rush that ran through her from head to toe.

"S, stop there!" The man grabbed the rod and pulled it nervously, only to notice that it was stuck on his belt. "Don't come closer or I'll raise the-"

The guard's nose broke with a jarring sound when the base of the woman's palm hit it. She hurried to pull the button off his belt and take it off along with the rod.

"AGH... DAMN IT!" He held on to his bleeding face. "I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR FACE AGAIN!"

The guard fell unconscious when the rod shocked him in the stomach.

Sadie gasped in terror, it was easier to think about paralyzing someone than to watch him collapse like a sack of potatoes on the floor. But she couldn't be compassionate now... She had to run away!

She staggered, taking a few hesitant steps through the lonely, dreary hallway. Was running away the best thing? A rod like the one she had would merely tickle a Soldier. What if they brought guns? What if they shot her without even sparing a word?

Her breathing quickened before the thoughts that flew through her mind. Would it be better to hide? She moved swiftly but clumsily down the path, realizing that there weren't side rooms through which she could slip. Only two cold, damp walls that tightened around her until they disappeared meters and meters ahead.

She had no way to hide, if someone showed up at the end of the aisle she had to face him or doom herself to be caught again. Shinra wouldn't give her the chance to betray her companions in order to keep working for them after this. Assaulting a member of the company's staff turned her into an enemy that had to be dealt with as soon as possible.

She was reaching the end of the corridor when a trooper on his night watch approached her. Would the stun rod trick work again? Sadie doubted it, she wasn't sure of being up to par with an infantryman battle-wise, so hoping to win two fights in a row would be foolish.

The man bowed his head to the side, surprised by her presence in the sector. "Good afternoon, madam."

Sadie hid the extensible rod behind her, trying to cover her black eye under the light strands of her fringe. Her actions were driven more by instinct than by planning. "Good afternoon," she replied quietly.

"Are you allowed to be in the area?"

Doubt; the guy doubted of her identity. If he knew she was being held captive he would never have requested authorization. She felt like cheering at the revelation and had to restrain herself to look proud and professional when saying: "Would I be here if I didn't have it? For heaven's sake! Who hires this scum who doesn't even bother to meet the staff?" She stepped forward with her chin raised in obvious disgust, holding the rod between her crossed arms. She heard him resume his walk with a harsh "What a pretentious whore" between his teeth.

Her small victory delighted her, but she was still far from safe. She moved quickly down the lobby that went out to the aisle, only to find that she'd never been to that part of the facility before.

The size of the company was enormous and most personnel had limited access to certain areas. A psychologist wasn't required to visit the prisoner sector; that was the land of Soldiers and Turks.

Thinking about the professional killers' team immediately reminded her of Cissnei, so she moved her hand into her skirt pocket to ask her friend for directions when she realized that her PHS had been seized by her captors.

"Shit!" Sadie looked around in despair. She couldn't stay there any longer, any minute now the guard who ignored her would find his companion's passed out body in front of the cell and would come to arrest her.

She threw herself into a nearby elevator, pressing all the buttons at once. "Come on, come on!" She breathed wildly while the display's bright numbers went down slowly. "Hurry the hell up, you damned thing!" She hit it several times with the palm of her hand, without ceasing to look back.

The bell rang, the elevator doors unlocked in front of her, and the guard suddenly emerged from the lobby to command:

"STOP! STOP RIGHT THERE!"

Sadie jumped into the machine, sticking her back against the glass to push all the buttons simultaneously. She closed her eyes and her breathing heaved in terror; if the trooper came in she'd have to use the rod and that would be the end of her brief escape. Her hands were shaking like jelly and she knew it'd be impossible to defend herself if she didn't try to calm down first.

She opened her eyes to avoid giving in to panic, but everything spun around her. Her eyes were clouded by the swelling that was taking over her battered, bruised face.

It surprised her to feel a sudden pull on her hand; someone had taken the rod away from her. She turned when a person came out from the shadows to say: "Ah, Sadie... you don't look good at all."

Zack Fair was inside the elevator.

* * *

**See you the next chapter!**


	5. The Defector

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 5**

**"The Defector"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

The Soldier was stunned at the sight. The ever-stable and dignified psychologist stood pale and retracted in a corner of the elevator, holding a paralyzing rod between her shaky fingers while trying to properly focus her gaze. He felt sick to his core when she reminded him of a cornered animal struggling to defend its life.

She was like this because of him.

Damn it! Didn't the rascal try to blow his head off a few hours ago? What the hell was he thinking, feeling sorry for her? If the so-and-so was armed and in a better condition she'd surely put a bullet between his eyes without a second thought.

He took a deep breath and snatched the rod from her hands, placing it on his belt with a scowl. Sadie gasped and leaned closer to the wall.

"Ah, Sadie... you don't look good at all." He sighed as he saw the guard approaching them at full speed.

"MISTER FAIR!" Asked the trooper from afar. "STOP THE ELEVATOR DOOR!"

"Please!" Mumbled Sadie with a trembling voice and blurred eyes. "Don't stop it! I... I'll tell you where Angeal is!"

"You have a way with words, don't you, Sadie?" Zack placed his hands on his waist, scowling at the chance that lay ahead of him. "You always say the right thing at the right time."

"I swear I will!"

"Really?" There was more cynicism than curiosity in his question.

The girl flinched, and her voice grew deep and strained as she heard the trooper's footsteps just meters away from the door that gradually began to close: "You take it or you lose it, Fair!"

"Yeah, that's how Shinra bargains!"

"WAIT! SIR!" The doors shut in front of the pursuer, who stood puzzled by what just happened.

"Now..." Zack crossed his arms, looking at the woman over his shoulder. "It's your turn to sing."

Sadie released a long sigh, bowing her head on her chest as she murmured: "Believe me that I tried to provide you with clues before, but I didn't know if I could trust you."

"Clues? Do you think I would've done anything to harm my teacher if I found out the truth?" He raised his chin and seemed even taller than he already was. "We only have to go fifteen floors down and you'll be able to amuse all of Shinra with your clues."

"No, no!" She shook her head violently. "I'm trying to be honest, but I don't even know where to start!"

 _"No one must know, don't even trust your shadow."_ Angeal's voice echoed in her mind and she clung desperately to her desire of fulfilling the promise she made. The former Soldier had grounds to be reserved; Zack might worship him like a father but he also swore loyalty to Shinra. Would she be so naive as to spit the truth before an enemy's pawn expecting him to believe her?

Her head was spinning and a knot tightened in her throat. "I just had to be a psychologist. Angeal said I just needed to listen to people and give them advice." She blinked strongly, holding back the tears that threatened to slide down her cheeks. "He never said I had to be a martyr who took our secrets to the grave!"

"Hey, hey..." Zack pursed his lips, clenching his jaw at the sight. He might've been ready to kick the information out of the impostor, but he never had the heart to watch someone suffering like that without feeling touched.

Surely Sephiroth wouldn't have that problem. These weaknesses of his always got in the way of his ambitions.

"You don't have to do a thing like dying to help him," he granted.

Sadie ran her arm across her face, rubbing it in shame. "You have no idea! It's something too... too important to-"

"Stop it!" Zack took her roughly by the shoulders, his gaze fixed on hers. "Do you remember what you told me a while ago, about finding the reason behind my dreams?" Sadie just shrugged with her head down, so Zack went on: "I want to be a hero to protect the people I care about, and the higher I go the better I can do it! I'm going to be the best 1st Class Soldier they've ever seen, even better than Sephiroth himself!"

The girl stirred, trying to break free from his grasp after hearing the bell that signaled the end of their trip. "You'll never be a hero..." She sobbed as she saw the doors open, revealing a firing squad that blocked the exit route: "...if you walk that way, Zack Fair!"

He let go of the grip almost without noticing it, moved between disbelief and surprise. "What do you mean?"

Sadie opened her mouth to speak but the glass suddenly exploded around her. She shrank to protect herself from harm before being embraced by a person whose face she instantly recognized.

Zack remained motionless at the spot, ignoring the flying shards of glass around him. Angeal faced him to shield the psychologist with a large white wing that sprouted from his back. It was exactly like the one that popped up in Genesis when he started suffering from the awful side effects of Mako degradation.

"ANGEAL!" Zack rushed to him. "ANGEAL, WAIT! Are you sick?! We can still fix it, wait! Please don't go!"

But his mentor didn't wait. After a brief, expressionless glance, he took off from the elevator without letting go of Sadie, flying away with her towards the opposite side of the building.

 _"ANGEAAAL!"_ The Soldier ripped his vocal cords while calling for his mentor, but he didn't even look at him before disappearing again into the darkness of the night sky.

The members of the infantry troop approached the elevator; unsure of how to act when their superior fell to his knees beside the broken glass, hitting the floor repeatedly with one of his fists.

* * *

Angeal Hewley pressed a cotton swab against Sadie's bruised cheek, who grimaced at the touch of the material against her skin. The man sighed as he admitted: "I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner."

"Don't apologize, it was all my fault."

"What did you do to get Shinra to uncover you? I saw the Turks taking the others away."

Sadie pursed her lips until they formed a nearly perfect line. "Zack... he figured out I wasn't who I said."

"Oh, I didn't consider him so perceptive."

"Neither did I."

Angeal stared at the weathered wooden panels that covered Dr. Hollander's lab. "You'll be safe in this place," he said without looking at her. "Nobody but Hollander visited the area in decades."

Sadie blinked strongly. "Hollander? Is he the reason you disappeared for so many months?"

"That's not relevant." He stood up. "And even if it was, you don't have to know."

"You're wrong!" She rose to her feet at once. "I mind knowing!"

Angeal's shoulders dropped, surprised by his protege's reaction. "No. You're just confused."

"Don't try to define how I feel!" Sadie clenched her fists and raised her chin to search for the former Soldier's gaze. "I've been looking for you all over Midgar since Gaia knows how long! You... are so important to me!"

Her tutor sneered, flashing a cynical smile as he mumbled: "I repeat; you're confused. I'm not the person you think I am."

"I bet you're saying that because of that stupid wing sticking out of your back, aren't you? Well, I don't care about it as long as you're still the same person who pulled me out of the trash!"

Suddenly, an old man's voice broke out from behind: "That's where you're wrong, kid." Hollander peeked out of the shadows, a smug smile gracing his face. "He's hardly the mediocre rookie you once knew. Now he's... perfect!"

Sadie took a step back. "Who's the guy?"

"I'm Dr. Hollander to you, kid. And this before you is my masterpiece."

She stared at her companion's face. "Angeal, what's he talking about?"

The defector sighed softly. "He's talking about what you refuse to accept."

"Don't say that."

"He's only wrong about one thing; I'm not perfect... I'm a monster." He spread his white wing and it filled the whole length of the room. "Shinra's evil isn't limited to destroying the planet's natural resources as you Avalanche people think. There's something considerably darker behind the company. And my existence... is proof of that."

Sadie opened her mouth wide. "Angeal! Don't give up now, please!"

The former Soldier snorted again. "Giving up? No, I wish I had the choice. There's nothing I can do to end this evil existence. The only way out... is to wait for him to do me the favor."

"He?" She pursed her lips. "I'm not going to let you do that! No one is going to hurt you as long as I have a word to say in the matter!"

"I feel the same way!" Hollander stepped between the two of them. "You won't find anyone who can defeat you, Angeal Hewley! You're my best creation! Your mother knew that but she couldn't accept it either! Do you want to be... like that spineless bitch?!"

"DON'T SPEAK ABOUT MY MOTHER!" He spat. "Or you'll be the first to understand why I call myself a monster with so much certain!"

Hollander took a step back, but he straightened up and recovered his lost composure in the blink of an eye. "I don't know how you can't see it; we human beings are flawed, weak and manipulable! Like little cockroaches that exist only to annoy and be squashed without remorse!" He clenched his fists. "But beings like Genesis and you... Bah! Genesis turned out to be a failure that can't even be compared to what you can achieve! You're the start of a strong and long-lived breed, full of the endless gifts that the mako stream can bestow upon us!"

"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!" Angeal knocked the scientist with the back of his sword, sending him off into the corner of the room. "It's easy for you to talk when you don't feel like me!"

"Angeal!" Sadie moved forward, frightened by his outburst. "You need to calm down, I'm sure we can do something to rever-"

"THERE'S NO WAY BACK!" He struck her as well, but his sword met the surface of a thinner blade that skillfully deflected the attack.

Angeal smiled sideways. So the reaper had finally arrived.

"Zack... it's good to see you again," he greeted with his eyes fixed on the distraught face of the young man who stood between the girl and his steel blade. "You're just in time for your last lesson."

"Enough!" Zack dropped the tip of his weapon until it nearly touched the ground. "I'm not here to fight, Angeal!"

"You would be if you'd heard what I just said."

The younger man frowned as he bit his lower lip. "I heard everything, but... there's no reason to do something like that!"

Angeal pointed to Hollander, who was lying unconscious on the ground. "I injured a Shinra's research team member. As a Soldier you must catch me or kill me trying, or did you forget what I taught you about being a worthy member of the company you belong to?"

"That guy is a defector! He vanished from Shinra along with Genesis and, to be honest, I don't care what happens to him! In fact... he's the one I should catch or kill! We have to make him pay for experimenting with you two!"

"I'm a defector too, Zack," he declared in a deep voice. "My honor to Shinra is gone," he extended his right hand and turned his palm toward his student, "and so are my dreams."

"Stop talking nonsense!" Zack tightened his grip on the handle of his sword. "What did that creep do to make you act this way?"

"The same as with Genesis, as you well said. Shinra's scientists injected Jenova's cells into my body before I was born." He took a deep breath, frowning intensely. "Soldiers are an outrage before the eyes of nature. Jenova and the Cetra... were evil demons who did well to disappear."

Sadie clasped her hands together, struggling to bring him to his senses. "Angeal, your fate doesn't have to rely on what that wicked people put in you. You can still choose who you want to be!"

Zack watched her out of the corner of his eye. He'd forgotten that the woman was there, but his mentor was very aware of her presence. In fact, Angeal seemed to notice her even more than his own student when he said: "Can a bird be more than what it's meant to be? Can a wasp choose to be a shark? Or a lion choose to be a lamb?" He shook his head and took a step back. "A living being's first nature follows him until he leaves this world for good. And mine, dear ones... is to be what I was born to be: a monster."

"Enough of this crap!" Zack ran a hand across his forehead, wiping the sweat that soaked it due to stress. "Who cares about wasps and sharks?! You're a Soldier, you have a duty to keep your honor upright! Or does that only count for strutting around when things are fine and discarding it when they get tough?"

"Shut up!" Angeal approached threateningly, Zack and Sadie recoiled in surprise. "You have no idea what it's to live under the calamity's yoke! And I hope you never do, Zack. I hope you never become a prisoner of Jenova's whispering voice inside you! If you appreciate what I've done for you during all this time; then you must fulfill my last will."

"Last will, my ass!" The young man snorted. "What I'm going to do is to take you back to Shinra and ask them to remove all these damn mutant cells from your blood! I'm going to get you well again!"

Angeal grinned mockingly. "You'll always be such a naive boy..." He swung his sword and it produced an ominous whistle as it cut through the air. "You can't fix it now, you must help me to leave. If you have mercy on me, you must do it. I don't want to become an extension of that world-devouring parasite."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Zack put his sword between the two of them, more in defense than in defiance of his mentor. "Don't blackmail me like that! I refuse to do something so stupid as killing you over a whim!"

The former Soldier frowned and struck his student's sword with the back of his own. "If you don't do it, I'll force you."

Zack flinched. "You'll have to find an exceptional excuse!"

Angeal smiled slightly, placing all his weight on his sword to push back Zack two feet under the thrusting pressure. "You have someone waiting for you at Midgar, don't you?!"

Zack opened his mouth wide, being pulled back an extra foot by the surprise. His mentor was aware of Aerith's existence.

Sadie (who stood next to a hole in the shabby room facing outwards), got the reference as well. "Angeal!" She shouted. "Are you crazy?! You can't hurt her! She's just a kid who has nothing to do with this madness!"

But the man ignored her pleas, raising his massive sword to drop it heavily on his opponent. "COME ON, ZACK!" He gasped and a mysterious desperation gradually took hold of his features. "AREN'T YOU A PROUD 1ST CLASS SOLDIER AFTER ALL?! YOUR DREAM IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE! YOU'RE JUST A FEW STEPS AWAY FROM THE FAN CLUB AND THE AUTOGRAPHS!"

Zack suppressed a cry that he didn't know whether it came from the combat toughness or from his bleeding heart. "S, stop it, Angeal! This isn't you!"

The former Soldier took a powerful leap backwards and stared at him with no visible expression from five feet away. "It's true, this isn't me."

Zack sighed and Sadie took a deep breath. The two of them harbored the faint hope that Angeal Hewley had finally come to his senses.

"I'll show you who I am," he muttered after throwing his sword aside, "and maybe you'll decide that my last will isn't such a crazy thought, but... the most rational choice I could make."

"ANGEAL!" Zack rushed towards him, but got blinded by a bright white light that seemed to burn his skin. "ANGEAL, NO!"

The light dissipated within minutes, or was it hours maybe? Zack couldn't tell, his eyes were on fire and he heard ringing bells inside his head over and over again.

"Zack!" Sadie's voice echoed behind him. "Get up off the floor! He's going to-"

He couldn't react in time, whatever was in front of him hit him in the face with the strength of a Formula One car at full speed. He groaned and did an awkward cartwheel to avoid further damage.

"S, shit." The tissue on his cheek slipped out of place and dangled lifelessly next to his jaw. "This is going to leave a nice scar!"

"Angeal! You've got to stop this!" Sadie shouted from afar. "We can find another way, he who fights isn't dead! Don't get lost amidst despair!"

Zack followed Sadie's gaze hoping to meet Angeal's face, but the thing in front of him looked like a creature out of the most horrific nightmare he'd ever had the misfortune of dreaming. The large half-lion, half-human chimera of about ten feet tall crouched predatorily, holding a long steel trident covered with the fresh blood that it snatched from him on its first attack.

The monster had a thick layer of golden scales that resembled an armor plate and a wing that stretched over his right shoulder, the scariest detail being the steel mask where his mentor's sleeping face could be seen.

"No way!" Zack dodged a new trident strike. "What did you do, Angeal?!"

The chimera made no response, it just kept attacking repeatedly with all the strength it possessed. It seemed to leave its soul in each lunge, as if killing its opponent was the greatest goal it ever had.

"Angeal, I refuse to do this!"

Sadie placed her hands on her face. Is this what a perfect human meant to Shinra?

Her throat tightened in memory of the loving man who visited her in the suburbs when she was lonelier than ever, that Soldier who was willing to hear Avalanche when no one else was; to hear her voice in the midst of darkness.

This was the true face of Shinra, humanity's real enemy.

The girl clenched her fists so tightly that her fingers tingled. It was one thing to know that Shinra was a selfish and harmful organization, but a demon factory made up of innocent babies? Her stomach turned at the mere thought of it.

"Where's my Angeal?" She whispered, dropping to her knees before the battle in front of her. "Dead like everyone else?"

Her question was answered with a stab that pierced through the chest of the creature that used to be the man she loved.

Zack came to his senses after hearing Sadie's high-pitched scream. He lost track of his actions due to the fierce fight against the monster, ie Angeal, and drowned a panicked gasp at the scene that received him: his mentor's human form hung in the air, speared by the sword he held in his trembling hands. A smile of gratitude for his executioner spread over his bloody lips.

 _"NOOO!"_ Zack dropped his weapon and Angeal fell to the ground with a thud. "Angeal, no! Don't tell me I went too far! No! I was just... trying to defend myself and... Angeal, no!" He held his head, kneeling beside the body with his eyes fixed on the sword protruding from his victim's chest.

"You did it... well, boy," declared the former Soldier laboriously. "This was supposed to happen and... I couldn't trust Sephiroth to do it. He would have... taken me to Shinra and... I'd never have been free again."

"FREE?!" Zack's chest rose and fell violently from the heavy sobbing he was unable to contain. "You're not free, man, you're dying!"

"Zack... embrace your dreams." He grabbed his old sword by its handle and slowly extended it to him. "And... protect your honor."

The young man reached for the weapon, breaking into a bitter cry when his mentor placed it on him.

"Always... Zack?"

"Always," he nodded fervently. "Always, Angeal!"

The former Soldier grinned and stared at the corner where Sadie had retreated with her face distorted by pain. "Will there be room for me... among the beings that sleep in this world?" And he said no more.

* * *

**A heartfelt thank you for reading.**


	6. Five years later

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 6**

**"Five years later"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

"Sadie." Zack stepped in front of the sobbing girl that was curled up in a corner, wrapping her arms around her legs as she tried to restrain the feelings that threatened to tear her in half. "You can't stay here. I just phoned my boss to let him know about Angeal and..." He paused to slowly breathe in. He didn't want to break in front of her any longer. "Shinra's gang will show up any minute now."

"I don't care." She shook her head violently. "I don't care if they take me with them. I... don't care anymore."

The Soldier rolled his eyes and held her by the forearm to give her a firm pull that forced her to her feet: "Angeal wouldn't want that, would he? You said that he took you off the streets, do you think he meant you to die in the end?"

"I..." She slipped from his grip. "I don't know, I don't think I really knew anything about him."

"Me neither." He quickly regretted his impulsive reply: "I mean, if I can handle it, then so can you."

Sadie frowned, staring shockingly into his eyes: "But we're enemies. We're on different sides."

"I know." Zack rubbed his forehead with his fingertips. "But freeing you from the company was the last thing my mentor did. I can't let you end up in their hands again. It wouldn't be fair or honorable to act like that."

The rebel blinked slowly in wonder. Would he allow her to go? After all the lies she'd tangled him in?

"I know what you're thinking," muttered Zack without looking at her, "but we don't have time to dwell on it now." He turned to face her for the last time: "We'll settle our differences later."

* * *

Zack and Cissnei spent that summer afternoon viewing the sunset on Costa del Sol's glazed bay.

After the sudden death of his mentor, Zack was advised to take some time off from work at the vacation village. The break turned into a sort of forced surveillance, since he was constantly monitored by Cissnei and her boss Tseng.

Shinra justified the leave on the grounds that he needed to be escorted in case any Avalanche rebels related to Angeal wanted to take revenge for his termination, but Zack knew very well that none of them were a threat to him.

"Zack? Are you here?" Cissnei tilted her head. "Your mind seems to be elsewhere."

"Well, maybe it is." The young man stood up, shaking the sand off his bare legs. "Just like my duties as a Soldier."

"You're very negative today."

"Why would I be any other stupid way? It's insulting to be sent on vacation as if Angeal's case could be solved with a walk on the beach and a coconut oil massage!"

Cissnei didn't bother to get up from the floor. "It's not going to solve it. But it'll keep you distracted from going straight to Midgar to smash the Avalanche barracks in a fit of rage."

Zack frowned until his blue eyes nearly disappeared under his dark eyebrows. "Avalanche didn't kill Angeal."

"Who else did it then? Your teacher became involved with their cause and died while fighting a Soldier who tried to arrest him for deserting." She squinted. "Or at least that's the story you gave in your case report."

"That's right." Zack nodded. "But his connection with Avalanche doesn't explain the mutations presented by Genesis and him, does it? The mako in their blood degraded abnormally and turned them into monstrous creatures."

"There are many diseases in the lower plate, even a Soldier can experience symptoms due to the pollution they're exposed down there."

"C'mon! That's nonsense!" Zack placed his hands around his waist. "I've seen plenty of sick people in the suburbs but none who grow a wing on their backs out of nowhere!"

Cissnei shrugged. "Surely the Mako in his blood hastened the mutation, it can't be a big deal if the company researchers weren't worried about it. Or does a military guy think he knows more than a doctor?" She played dumb, even though she was more educated on the subject than he was.

Cissnei was no stranger to any of Shinra's several aberrations, and it was because of that knowledge that she decided to help Sadie and the members of Avalanche in their desperate crusade to overthrow the evil corporation.

"You know what?" He turned his back on her, snorting. "I'm done with this talk! There's no point in talking about this with you!"

"Zack..." The young Turk stood up. "What did you do with Dr. Darcy?"

The Soldier didn't turn around. "Sadie... Darcy?"

"That's the one. I heard you found her with Angeal in Hollander's lab."

"Angeal helped her to escape from Shinra and... I put her back where she belonged."

"To the company?"

"I won't say more. There's a very detailed report that can answer your questions. The Turks have never had trouble accessing information that's supposed to be confidential, have they?" He began to leave, dragging his feet on the sand of the beautiful Costa del Sol. "Do your job Cissnei... and don't interfere further with mine."

The girl stared at him with no expression on her face. For a long time, Zack was the one who ignored the events around him, but she started to fear that the cards might start turning in favor of the 1st Class Soldier. She knew that her friend managed to seek refuge in the Avalanche barracks, but she strongly wanted to prove the extent to which Zack's loyalty to this hellish corporation had been broken.

With a little luck, maybe she could tell him the truth and turn him into a double agent like her.

Zack stopped at the edge of the stone stairs that led to the boulevard, biting his lower lip out of frustration. The words that the psychologist... or better said; Avalanche's liar told him during one of their previous talks were drilling through his mind ever since.

_"You have good morals for a..."_

_"For a...?"_

_"For someone who kills people."_

The first time he heard her he thought she was a hopeless pacifist. A wealthy and deluded girl who believed that Soldiers lacked morals because they had to get blood on their hands from time to time. But once he learned her true story, that statement changed its meaning completely.

Sadie wasn't talking about him, but about her when she concluded that someone who killed people for an ideal had no morals. Avalanche was a group known to commit terrorist acts in which several innocent Shinra employees died like flies, all for an environmental goal, for a "fair" cause, at least in her eyes.

_"What's yours, Zack? What's the reason you want to be a hero?"_

_"I guess..." He mumbled. "I guess I want to do things right."_

He recalled the same answer he gave to his now sworn enemy: "Why wait to be a hero to make things right? Why not start now?"

His gaze stayed fixed on the sun that exhaled a final flash of light before fading below the horizon, ignoring that this would be the last sunset he would have a chance to contemplate so attentively.

The events that took place that summer made him realize that Shinra was the real enemy. The one who committed the biggest atrocities against the planet and its inhabitants, while masking itself as an organization that only sought progress and comfort.

All those years... he fought for the wrong cause. But he found out too late.

Sephiroth went mad, just like Genesis and Angeal did, after discovering that his existence was a product of the grim experiments of the company to which he swore allegiance, and both Zack and the innocent Cloud became the first to feel Gaia's wrath manifested in the uncontrolled power of their betrayed leader, who punished them without mercy or remorse.

When Nibelheim's village ashes were barely beginning to cool, Ciretan Hojo (head of Shinra's Research and Development Division), took advantage of their defeat to turn them into his favorite lab rats. Mere replacements of the warriors he lost to degradation's scourge.

It was five long years before Zack Fair finally saw the light of day and his freedom was too short for him to fully appreciate it.

* * *

**City of Midgar. Five years later.**

"Sadie!" Aerith Gainsborough rushed into the newcomer's arms, holding her in a tight embrace. "It's been so long!"

The rebel withdrew with a tired smile, the weight of the rifle she carried drained her soul with each movement she made. She didn't want to admit it, but the long rescue patrols she had recently been on were wearing her out.

There were hardly any Avalanche members left to tell the story. Shinra was being particularly sadistic in the search and capture of her comrades. And it was widely known that no one returned alive from the electrical corporation's facilities.

She bit her lip when she remembered Biggs and Jessie. Even after all this time, she couldn't shake off the guilt that ate her from the inside; both were presumed dead many years ago.

"Sadie, can you hear me?" Aerith leaned forward, scanning the inside of the chapel with a wary look. "Don't think about the dead in this place, there are spots where it's easier for them to slip into your heart."

The girl flinched. "Hey! You're still so... perceptive!"

"Right?" Aerith smiled softly, raising her eyebrows in a sad gesture that opposed the shape of her lips. "But my intuition has limits. It doesn't help me to know if you found any clues about... Zack."

"Ah." Sadie let out a sigh, removing the strands of hair that stuck to the sweat on her forehead. "Nothing again. I'm doing the best I can but it's a real pain to deal with Shinra's dogs whenever I get close to the upper plate."

The flower girl let her shoulders fall, resigned. She didn't expect to receive a letter or an address where she could meet him, but she still held out hope that he would give at least a sign of life. It was rumored that Shinra had transferred him to a distant base located in Wutai or Mideel, where he held a secret position that separated him from the common people.

But was work enough of an excuse for him to avoid her for five long years? Zack didn't even bother to answer her letters, and her broken heart assumed that he was no longer interested in her lowly self. After all, wasn't it true that he was close to a girl named Cissnei? They were co-workers, so it was obvious that her rival had more opportunities to spend time with him.

Aerith had always regretted that her first love was such a busy man, but she especially resented the fact that he possessed so much charm and spark for relating to others. He was a worldly, popular and trusting guy, while she was a penniless flower girl who was scared to venture into the open. An inexperienced young girl who was always at a disadvantage in terms of maintaining a relationship.

The truth was that she wasn't even sure if she still loved him. They never had a serious bond, but Aerith needed closure. Gaia knew she wished to know the reason her ex-boyfriend left. Was it because of her? Did it happen because she wasn't pretty or interesting enough? The uncertainty was so painful as unbearable and that's why she placed all her hopes in Sadie; another lonely slum girl who knew what it was to chase ghosts in the middle of the day.

"And you haven't left Midgar yet?" She asked casually while trying to hide her hopelessness.

"It's not my area, Ae..." Sadie adjusted the weight of the rifle on her elbow. "Barret would kick my ass if I quit my post to look for a Soldier who might be dead for half a decade."

"But, Sadie!"

"Yes, I know!" She frowned remarkably. "I owe my life to that idiot. He released me after the lab deal, but my teammates don't care about my debt. A Shinra bastard will always be that for them. They've hurt us too much to spare them over a random act of kindness."

"It wasn't random." Aerith folded her hands in a pleading gesture. "He did it because Angeal cared about you. Zack couldn't hurt you without insulting his mentor's conscience!"

Sadie raised a hand in the air. "Don't idealize it, it was a difficult occasion. Zack broke... in another time and circumstance he would've done something different. I owe him my life and that's why I'm helping you to find him, but it's not like we're on the same side or something."

"I..." The florist let her hands fall gently, taking a step towards her guest. "I know it's very likely he decided to move on with his life elsewhere but I need an explanation. I want to know why he left."

"Ae... I don't want to say it like this, but he might be six feet under."

"Shinra leaves everyone who disappears for more than a month for dead!"

"It's been several years, not a month."

"I can still feel him on this planet! It's... an unusual presence! But I know he's out there!"

Sadie sighed and adjusted the headband that held her hair back. "Intuition again?"

"You know I don't joke about this stuff."

"One part of me knows it and the other suspects that you want him to be alive."

"And you don't?"

The rebel looked away. "It would be better if he were, it's a shame to leave this place without achieving your dreams. He was... too young to know he was fighting on the wrong side."

"He _is_ young!" Aerith crossed her arms, pouting. "Don't say _he was_ as if he had died."

"Listen, my friend." The older woman turned on the radio that dangled from her backpack and looked at her. "Believing or not he's alive doesn't diminish my desire to fulfill what I promised you. I'll look for him non-stop until the day you give up."

Aerith frowned. "Then you will seek him forever!"

"So be it, Ae."

Sadie Darcy left the chapel at a slow pace, for a mysterious reason the place conveyed so much peace to her. Was it due to the presence of the sweet and compassionate florist? Or maybe because Angeal spent his last days there?

Angeal... her face hardened at his memory.

_"Please... S, stop it!"_

The woman turned towards the source of the faint whimpering, pointing her rifle at it to brighten the area with the flashlight pointer. "WHO'S THERE?! SHOW YOURSELF!" She took a few steps back, unsure of how to proceed.

Shinra was capable of resorting to the dirtiest tactics to achieve its goals. It wouldn't be the first time that one of its agents faked an injury in order to blow the head of the enemy with an invisible shot.

"I SAID SHOW YOURSELF!" She roared decisively, advancing slowly and cautiously. "IF YOU NEED HELP YOU BETTER HURRY UP IN IDENTIFYING YOURSELF! Otherwise, you'll find the opposite!"

"What is... all that fuss? First the bloody nightmares and now this." A young man with golden hair peeped through the rubble, Sadie wondered if he wasn't a bum who was sleeping there before being woken up. "Hey, who are you?"

Sadie stood still. She noticed by his uniform that a young Soldier (probably drunk, but a Soldier at last) was standing in front of her. She bent down behind her gun and pointed it at his forehead. "STILL! HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!"

"Who the hell did I piss off now?" The guy clicked his tongue and rose to his feet with reluctance. "You don't look like Shinra."

Sadie grimaced. "No kidding, I thought I could pass for a Soldier." She covered behind a pile of garbage to avoid being taken by surprise. "I think you look more like them than I do."

"Ah, that." The man placed his hands on his waist and scanned her with a tired expression. "I'm a former Soldier. I left the company some time ago."

Sadie approached from the left, without losing the coverage provided by the dump. "And why should I believe you?"

"You don't have to, if you don't like what I say you can try and shoot me." He looked at her with an icy and highly threatening gaze. "But I warn you that it takes much more than a few rounds of ammo to bring a 1st Class Soldier down."

The rebel shook her head. "You're lying. We've got the profiles of everyone who belongs to Soldier, and I've never seen one that looks remotely like you."

He shrugged and pointed at his face with his index finger. "My eyes don't lie. This is Mako." He chuckled and the gesture felt awfully familiar to Sadie. "Would you like to take a closer look at them?"

She reloaded the gun without paying attention to his bravado. "It won't be necessary."

"Ah..." The blond sighed, his head hurt as if it had been hammered for a whole month. He had to start sleeping under cover from now on. "I'm a mercenary. I work for the highest bidder, and the uniform helps to win customers; anyone would want to have one of Shinra's guys handling their dirty jobs."

"A defector?" She snorted. "I've yet to see that!" She signaled him to turn around with a movement of her rifle. "Against the wall! Let's see if you can convince my boss of your new job!"

He turned around slowly, unsure whether he was tired or simply annoyed by the woman's arrogance. She treated him as if they were sworn enemies, which he found quite ridiculous. He was the last to want anything to do with Shinra and its second-rate henchmen.

"Do you have any kind of identification?" Sadie went through his pockets without ceasing to point at him.

"Maybe, it's been a while since anyone asked me for something like that."

"Let me see." She took the wallet and found nothing but a dirty note, some Materia and a few gil. She read the yellow paper as she tried to keep her eyes on the mercenary at all times: _"If you want to be a soldier, hang in there: always with you... Zack."_ Sadie opened her mouth wide, connecting this ex-Soldier with the name of who might be his missing comrade on her mind. "Zack? Who's this Zack fellow to you?"

"Zack..." He ran an exhaustive mental check, but all he found was a throbbing headache that threatened to drive him crazy. "I have no idea; it's been so long since I've read that thing. I guess it's from my dad, or my brother, maybe? I think I got it before leaving home... as a good luck wish upon my departure."

"No father would sign with his first name. It must've been a brother or a friend."

The prisoner sighed. "And you're going to arrest me for forgetting a guy from my past?"

Sadie tied his wrists with a pair of electronic handcuffs in the blink of an eye. "We're looking for someone with that name and I need you to explain it better. It doesn't matter if you defected from Shinra, I'm not going to let anyone wearing a uniform like yours wander around my area."

The man scowled. "Do you know how many Zack guys are on the planet?"

"He worked for Shinra too."

"Oh, that changes some things." He shrugged. "But I'm telling you, you won't get anything else from me. The mako they shove down our throats causes us to forget many things over the years. Even if I tried, I couldn't tell you who that so-and-so is."

Sadie felt an ache in her heart upon hearing that he called _"so-and-so"_ to whom could be the Zack she knew. She couldn't pinpoint the cause of her pain, but she bit her lips and carried on with the interrogation: "What's your name?"

"Cloud Strife."

"Cloud..." She grimaced and shook her head in distrust. "I hope, for your sake, that you aren't lying."

"I don't care if you believe it or not," the Soldier replied smugly. "I was registered as Cloud Strife, 1st Class Soldier in Shinra. You and your little slum friends can look me up in the company records whenever you want."

"You seem too convinced that we won't shoot you in the head as soon as you get to the base."

Cloud shrugged. "I don't answer to Shinra anymore; my interests lie with whoever can pay the most for my services."

Sadie dropped her eyebrows dramatically, the issue with the note about Zack kept bothering her. "Are you sure you don't know who wrote that note?"

"I said no. Or are you deaf?" He replied after drowning out an arrogant laugh. "Your kind should put on earplugs before blowing up reactors all over the place."

Sadie Darcy's cheeks turned red with fury. Stinking cynical Shinra dog! Deep inside, she wished the guy didn't know about Zack, then it would be easier to wipe him and his smug face off the map.

"WALK!" She pushed him through the tightly packed corridors of the lonely neighborhood. "The base isn't far away!"

* * *

**Author's note:**

Well, that's all for today! I'm delighted by the comments I received from **"DoubleM7"** , **"AmazingBunny"** , **"FunnyTrumpet"** , **"Cloudj_VII"** , and the kind anon guests in FFN. Also thanks to everyone who left kudos in AO3 and to the readers who follow the story in silence; your support motivates me to continue with this translation! **See you next time!** ;)


	7. Angeal Hewley

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 7**

**"Angeal Hewley"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

After waiting for two long hours, Sadie managed to meet with Barret Wallace, the leader of the resistance. He wasn't easy to reach, even though being her boss.

Barret was a busy, short-tempered man. He was more skilled in military tactics, weapons and strategy than in human resources. Sadie knew that, but the fact that the blond faker (she, of all people, couldn't possibly forget the face of a Shinra Soldier) brought up Zack's name made it hard for her to contain the need to voice her concerns.

She insistently tapped the tip of her boot against the floor, waiting for Barret to tidy up his precarious basement office. "Can I come in now?" she asked, unable to conceal her anxiety.

"Wait a damn minute, Darcy." Her boss sighed, dragging a chair that squeaked against the metal floor. "I've been here for ten hours, this better be serious."

The woman peeked through the door frame, her lips half-open in a gesture of uncertainty. She knew what was troubling her, but Barret's stern look kept the words from coming out. "It's about the guy... that I found in the cathedral."

"Yes." Barret gave her a slow, heavy look, as if he were told that the clouds were made of water. "The guy you found."

"He said he was a Soldier, right? What do we know about that? Is it true?"

Her boss nodded slightly, taking a cup that rested on his old coffee table. "Apparently. There's no record of anyone named Strife on the Soldier lists, but the guy said that things changed after Sephiroth disbanded in Nibelheim and I see no reason to deny it. Gone are the days when they were like rock stars for the stupid followers of the damn Shinra."

"Yes, maybe so." Sadie bit her lip.

"They don't want the bad press of their best Soldier burning down a village with innocent civilians inside, so they act like the rats they are and continue to use these savages for their dirty work. But secretly, of course."

"And this guy... Strife." She folded her arms, watching as her boss poured himself coffee with his deft hand. "Is he a defector or something?"

"Hmm... Maybe, maybe not. I trust his statement about the record but I don't quite trust him as a person. He said he was told that we paid better than Shinra and that's why he decided to change sides." Barret stretched his lips in a straight line and dropped his eyebrows on his eyelids. "That doesn't sound very credible to me."

Sadie laughed out loud, more out of bewilderment than fun. "Are you kidding? They make enough money to buy a whole plate!"

Barret raised the cup as a toast, nodding his head conscientiously. "That's right. That's my problem with him."

"Yes..." The woman frowned, walking over to Barret's table. "We must arrange something for him to prove his loyalty, right?"

"Aha. That's what I'm going to do. We'll take him to blow up the reactors with us. If he does something like that he will be considered dog meat for Shinra and that'll prevent him from becoming an enemy again."

Sadie sighed. "I know what you are talking about; once in Avalanche, always in Avalanche."

Her boss smiled, showing off his brilliant teeth as he did so. "That's right, that's the way it's down here. We'll properly baptize him." He paused after taking a sip of his coffee and his expression became noticeably serious. "But I guess you didn't keep me from meeting my little girl just to chat about the fate of that nest-head bloke."

She shook her head, slightly balancing her weight on her heels. "No. He seemed disoriented when I found him."

"Typical of them. The mako breaks their heads sooner or later."

"Yes, perhaps. But he also mentioned Zack."

"Who?"

"Zack!"

Barret narrowed his eyes, trying to remember. "The guy who cleaned the grease trap at the bar?"

"Not that one! Angeal's apprentice!"

"Ah." The man let out a long sigh, annoyed when he understood who they were talking about. "The Soldier who kicked the bucket."

Sadie bit her lip, lifting her chin as she spoke: "No one is sure about that!"

"Same as Sephiroth and if that demon still walked upon the earth there wouldn't be any of us left on it to be surprised." He gave her a long, weary look. "If the guy were alive he would've reached out to your friend by now, wouldn't he?"

"Yes. I mean... no! Maybe he's lost, kidnapped, hiding or... maybe he doesn't remember what happened!"

"Darcy." Barret stared at her with one of those stone-hard looks that kept even the veterans of the rebellion in check. "Until this moment you were the biggest cynic among us regarding Zack Fair. You said you were just trying to appease your friend, that you were merely seeking to pay off your debt."

Sadie backed off, quickly looking away. "And who says that's changed, huh?"

"I do." Barret gazed at her over the edge of his coffee cup, the steam of the drink gently caressing his forehead. "I know you cared deeply for Hewley. The guy took you off the streets and brought you to us. I know what it's like to lose someone to the filthy Shinra."

The girl drowned her grief under a scowl that hid her agony at the mention of the missing Soldier. She settled for a serious nod and masked her pain with the hatred for the company they both shared. "They turned him into a monster... and in the end I couldn't do anything for him."

"But Zack isn't Angeal."

Sadie looked over her shoulder, suddenly distraught by what she heard. "I'm well aware of that!"

"You aren't going to bring him back like that." Barret took another sip of his coffee. "Even if you turn him into a ghost of his teacher, the boy isn't going to be more alive than he is."

"Look, that's not what we need to talk about!" Sadie extended and squeezed her fingers repeatedly, trying to regain her cool. "All we know is that this ex-Soldier mentioned him! If he enlisted before Sephiroth, it's quite possible he saw him before he disappeared!"

Her boss looked at her sideways, slightly keener on what she had to say. "Ah, that makes sense."

"Of course it does!" Sadie took a deep breath, sensing her heart racing inside her chest without knowing exactly why. Maybe it was due to the thrill of having a solid clue about what happened. She could give Aerith answers so she wouldn't have to see that dejected look on her face ever again. "It's been five years Barret, not twenty! Zack may still be out there!"

Her boss grinned mischievously, putting the cup aside. "Are you sure you're just looking for him so that friend of yours can see him again?"

"Ah!" She blinked several times, dramatically frowning at the meaning of what was said. "But! W, what else could it be?" She gradually dropped her voice and scratched the back of her neck absently. "And because I owe it to him, nothing else."

Barret laughed under his breath, rising to his feet with obvious fatigue. "Good. You've got half an hour to talk to him."

"Really?" Her face lit up as she eagerly retreated into the hallway. "Where is he?! I'll be right there!"

"At the bar, we have no reason to keep him in jail so I figured it would do him good to rub elbows with our guys before the mission." He touched his temple with his index finger, smiling from ear to ear. "Tifa knows if they can be trusted as soon as she sees them, she'll break his spine in three pieces if he gets out of line."

* * *

 _Seventh Heaven_ was a lively and bohemian bar; fairly attended by slum people.

The regent, Tifa Lockhart, wasn't only known for her beauty and kindness to customers, but also for her incredible gift for hand-to-hand combat (which she often exercised with the patrons who failed to respect the staff members).

This bar served as a hideout for Avalanche's rebellion and Tifa was no stranger to their meetings. In fact, she was a member of the eco-terrorist group since suffering the loss of her loved ones to the horrible awakening of the beast, Sephiroth.

Sadie walked towards the place with confident steps, she noticed the profile of the beautiful waitress outlined in a window of the tavern. Next to her was the former Soldier; seemingly trying to get away from the woman who was lecturing him about something that seemed to upset her a lot.

That guy had to know something. He had to!

Sadie crossed the dirt road that separated her from the bar when a person got in her way: "You can't talk to Cloud Strife, he's not ready to hear from Zack yet."

"What the hell?" Sadie recoiled, both surprised and annoyed by the hooded character who dared to stop her. "How much do you know about this?!"

"As much as to assure you it's not safe for him or us to rummage through his memories of Zack, or anything that happened five years ago."

Sadie pressed her lips and tapped her fingertips on the handle of her rifle. "Ah, a gypsy with bad omens. You did a good job with the name stuff, but I don't have any money to give you, so go away with your mysterious premonitions to wherever someone wants to listen to you." She nodded and moved to the side, returning to her path.

She didn't go far when she felt the grip of a gloved hand on her shoulder. It wasn't a strong grip, but a weak and insecure one; like that of someone who holds a pen with two fingers. "Dr. Darcy, please!"

Sadie opened her mouth an inch, staring at the hooded man over her shoulder. "How did you call me?"

"I called you 'doctor'. Maybe it was a sham for you, but... you helped me so much. I know I can trust you and you'll listen to me if I ask you from the bottom of my heart!"

The woman stopped hesitantly, feeling that the past had given her an unexpected slap. Her voice was no more than a whisper when she asked: "Who are you?"

"I..." The man opened his lips again and again, unsure of how to explain himself. He tried to take off his hood, but his hand was left halfway up in the air. He squeezed his fingers tightly and sighed: "I'm one of your former patients. You... helped me with my shyness and I managed to be the disinhibited person I never thought I could become."

Sadie squinted, so many terrible things happened after she was discovered by Shinra that she buried those peaceful times under the avalanche of fear that followed them. "I can't remember you well. Maybe I would if you told me your name?"

"It's impossible, I... I still work for Shinra. You're with the rebels and I don't want any trouble."

"Please!" She took a step forward and held the cloak that covered him as if she were holding on to life itself. "I helped you once, didn't I? I promise I won't hurt you!"

The man gulped and looked to the side before speaking, his gaze fixed on the hand that was desperately holding him. He couldn't help but smile as he spoke: "You're really eager to hear from Zack, aren't you?"

Sadie slowly filled her lungs with air, for she forgot to breathe for more than ten seconds. "Yes!" She nodded without letting go of her grip. "And if you tell me what you know... I promise I won't bother Strife!"

The man's smile deepened and his cheeks wrinkled when he took a long breath. "Dr. Darcy, I'm Kunsel Reiss; from the 2nd Class Soldier Training Division and I need your help to solve what happened five years ago in the Nibelheim mission."

All of Midgar seemed to freeze when she slowly released the grip from his cape. "What does Zack have to do with that?"

"It was the last mission he carried out before being declared missing in action. The village was burned and the few remaining witnesses refused to testify."

"And do you have strong evidence about what happened?"

Kunsel took a deep breath, sounding extra confident in his testimony: "I'm fairly sure I know where Zack is, Dr. Darcy."

Sadie fell silent for some seconds that seemed like forever to him. Her green eyes stared at Cloud and Tifa inside the bar. Her gut told her that this decision would have a huge effect on the fate of all of them.

Should she go to the bar and ask Avalanche's new member about the letter, or should she follow the mysterious clue (in her opinion too good to be true), that Kunsel provided?

She finally decided that following her patient's route would lead her to richer lands.

* * *

The 2nd Class Soldier and his companion traveled silently in an old carriage that followed the mountain path slowly but surely.

They were meters away from Junon's airport, from where they would travel to Mideel; a village in the south of the planet. This place was supposed to hold the secret of the experiments that Shinra performed on its elite troops.

"The lifestream is closer to the surface at Mideel, which causes huge mako eruptions to escape from deep within the earth," Kunsel said casually as they got out of the vehicle. "You know how Shinra's people call that, don't you?"

"The Promised Land," muttered Sadie, looking straight ahead. "They believe there's an endless source there and that's why they bought every square meter of the island, although for public knowledge it's a peace mission that's sitting there to avoid," she couldn't help but laugh when repeating the ironic reason given by her enemies to justify their presence at Mideel, "that someone will take advantage of the citizens to extract the mako that belongs to them."

"The rebels are more informed than I thought."

"The existence of the whole planet is at stake. It's our responsibility to know it."

Kunsel nodded, relieved to have less to explain about the situation involving them. He extended the tickets to the guard stationed outside the airport entrance and muttered to his partner: "You think we're the enemy, but even the military is being used and deceived in the most awful ways by the company to which they swore allegiance."

Sadie looked at him over her shoulder, narrowing her eyelids in disdain. "Don't expect sympathy from me, no one forced them to enlist in the first place."

"Maybe not, but the problem is that none of us really knew what kind of thing we were volunteering for."

She wasn't impressed at all, in fact, her face hardened even more. "I'm not interested in your remorse. You never expected that taking someone else's life would be traumatic in the slightest, did you? Well, neither did I," she snapped, "It's not my problem if Soldiers have existential crises."

Kunsel bit his lip. "Can you put the grudge aside and listen to what I have to say with an open mind?"

Sadie stopped in front of the plane that would take them to Mideel. The day was so gray as her mood and that bothered her endlessly. "Go on, talk. What ways did they fool them?"

"Well." The Soldier took a breath and scratched the back of his neck. "They told us we were fighting for order and progress. That our duty was to rid this world of poverty and injustice. To bring the same amount of light and opportunities to the rest of humanity."

Those words.

Those damn words all over again.

Sadie couldn't stop a memory she held deep in her mind from flashing before her eyes as if she were living it for the first time.

She was a little girl, no more than twelve years old, sitting on the floor of a dirty alley. Her hair, then black and tangled like the darkness that surrounded her, was falling to shreds on her face. She had no more tears left to cry, her only way of existing was a total lack of emotion. A limbo in which she couldn't distinguish the days from the nights.

It was then that she saw him.

Angeal Hewley, then a 2nd Class Soldier, walked down a street next to the spot where she was. The man seemed to shine with his own light, like a lighthouse moving in the middle of the night; illuminating everything around him. He carried a sword that glowed under the neon lights of a trendy poster that hovered over the avenue, and the fluorescent lighting turned him into an apparition detached from the awful world of the living.

"Hello," he muttered in a voice that wasn't as deep as the one he developed some years later. "I think I got lost, do you know where the commercial district is?"

The girl gave no answer, she was satisfied with keeping her eyes fixed on the garbage around her. Maybe if she ignored him enough he would leave like everyone else.

But the young man remained indifferent to her hostility. "I have a mission to fulfill over there. Apparently, there's a surplus of food in a nice cafeteria and they want me to transport it to the dump." He sighed and dropped his shoulders. "Can you believe it? I never thought I'd sign up to throw delicious food in a dumpster."

Sadie kept acting proud, even though the mention of food made her guts growl loudly. Angeal smiled to himself when he noticed her reaction. "So much energy wasted on rats." He clicked his tongue and placed his hands on his hips. "People should take better advantage of the benefits of electric energy. Where I come from, we don't know what electricity is. We use a clay oven to cook bread, which gives a very special flavor to what's cooked." He smiled from ear to ear. "It's like eating cookies that taste like barbecue!"

The little girl looked over her shoulder, tempted to speak up but not feeling confident enough to express her thoughts. Angeal approached her at a slow pace, looking for a handkerchief in his pockets. "I miss my mother's cookies and Banora's dumbapples so much! When I was little like you, my friend Gen would always eat them with me." He bent over and rubbed the handkerchief across her cheek, trying to get rid of the dirt that covered her without much success. "Do you have a friend like mine? One who hangs out with you and worries about you?"

Sadie shook her head slightly to the side and the Soldier dropped his shoulders dramatically. "Wow. That must be very boring."

The girl stared at him and scratched her cheek that itched from being rubbed with the (now ruined) handkerchief, sticking to a serious nod. Angeal smiled in return. "Well, I bet it'll be fun to find out if that cafeteria has Banora's kind of cookies. But Gen is working and I don't think he can join me. Do you know anyone who can take my friend's place? I hate to eat alone!"

Sadie agreed to take Gen's place for a while. All the adults she met were either cruel or indifferent, but it was the first time she'd met a Shinra Soldier and he reminded her of an imaginary family member she used to play with in the back of her mind.

It was late at night and she shared a tray of cream buns with Angeal on the outside of the coffee shop (the owners refused to let the Soldier sit at a table with such a sloppy girl), when she mumbled her first words to him: "What's your name?"

Angeal couldn't hide his enthusiasm as he hit his chest with a closed fist, raising his chin to say: "Angeal Hewley! 2nd Class Soldier on the orders of the gracious President Shinra!"

Sadie stood there, blinking slowly. "Shinra?" She pouted while looking at the bun she held. "They're throwing this food away."

"Oh!" He clenched his teeth tightly and shrugged. "Shinra... is more than that. I guess the President is too busy to notice what his staff does behind his back, and that's why misfortunes like this happen." He scowled, looking at the tray of buns that rested on the bench where they sat. "Not all who belong to the company know exactly why it exists."

"I don't know why it exists." Sadie looked at him out of the corner of her eye, chewing on her bun.

"Ah." Angeal smiled sideways, clasping his hands in a thoughtful gesture. "Shinra is a company like no other the world has ever seen. They're deeply interested in mankind's progress. They don't care about money, but about the pursuit of science for the sake of well-being, but of course... a certain amount is necessary for all the expenses this entails."

"What is well-being?" She narrowed her eyes, looking at her bare feet.

The Soldier sighed and ruffled her hair with his gloved hand, not knowing whether to be surprised or saddened by Sadie's ignorance. "Well-being is when people feel satisfied, happy and calm. It's what we all deserve."

"And President Shinra wants us to feel like that?"

"Of course. His goal is to lift the world out of poverty so that people like you will no longer live in unfair conditions. With the right technology we'll all have a little bit of what makes us happy."

Sadie nodded slowly, without looking up from the floor. "So... I could have more of these." She lifted the bun above her head. "And a bed, perhaps?"

Angeal laughed, his eyes shining with enthusiasm. "And more than that! With the new knowledge humanity will gain from research, we'll get access to the same amount of light and opportunities."

"And what is your sword for? You don't look like a researcher."

"Oh..." The young man slumped and held his hands over each other. "Sometimes you have to fight to get your ideas heard. Not everyone agrees with the President."

"Why?" Sadie sulked over the pain in her stomach, she hadn't eaten for several days and the bun binge was beginning to take its toll.

"There are selfish people who refuse to share the light and deny that we must do stuff we don't like in order to get what we want." He forced a smile, trying to ward off the ghosts of those he silenced for his duty. "And so we, the Knights of Justice, must defend the ideals of President Shinra!"

"Ah!" The girl's face lit up for the first time in the conversation. "You fight so that we all get to eat! You're heroes!"

Angeal Hewley felt his chest swell with pride. That was the idea that motivated him to risk his life on the front lines, which made him undergo the horrible mako experiments in the first place. But was it fair to call himself a hero? Maybe it was too much.

"Heroes?" he denied with a gentle nod of his head. "No... it takes more to be one."

Sadie held her position firmly and clenched her fist tightly over her skirt. "To be a hero... you just need to do things right!"

Angeal couldn't help but smile, it had been a long time since he'd talked to someone outside of the military order. Years even, since he chatted with a person far younger than himself. "But are you aware of _what it means to do things right?"_

Sadie's memories abruptly jumped to the afternoon when Zack Fair visited her in the hospital, her own childish, muddy face melded with that of the missing Soldier, standing in the brightly lit room as he replied: _"I'll be from now on."_

She took one hand to her forehead, coming back to reality. The plane flew across the skies with a noisy buzz as Kunsel talked to the pilot about things she didn't care to know.

She felt a chill that ran through her entire body as she realized that Zack might be so dead as Angeal. The ghosts of both only existed in her memories now, subjected to the echo of a past that would never return. What was she clinging to with that crazy adventure in the middle of nowhere?

She sighed and looked at her reflection in the window glass; so different from that poor child from Midgar.

"Hey, doctor!" Kunsel's voice sounded like a bell that woke her up. "Look out the window, we're already over Mideel!"

The island was a green mass that floated in the foggy ocean like a leaf hovering above the clouds. The mako rivers could be seen flowing through the greenery as if they were the planet's veins; a view so surreal as the trance-like state that took over Sadie's departure trip.

"Where shall we go first?" asked the rebel without taking her eyes off her destiny.

"We'll meet with a person who can give us the details we need. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you after so long."

"Do I know her?"

"And very well!" Kunsel shared a mischievous look with the pilot. "Though it's been years since you last saw each other."

Sadie scowled, unable to determine the identity of the suspicious contact. "Well, I'm not that excited. I have no idea who it's going to be."

The Soldier laughed again, letting himself fall on the seat in a carefree way. "If you knew it, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"

Sadie just nodded her head, more hesitantly than in agreement with the situation. She wasn't sure of being in the right place. Each mile away from Midgar increased the feeling that she should've followed Barret Wallace's advice.

Chasing ghosts would drive her faster to them. And a ghost's place, in her experience, was only the grave.

* * *

**Endless thanks for reading!**


	8. Abyssal purgatory

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 8**

**"Abyssal purgatory"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

"Cissnei?!" Sadie couldn't contain her excitement. There, standing outside the island inn that provided a gathering place for tourists, was none other than Cissnei. The redhead smiled mischievously under her charming wide-brimmed hat, more casual and happy than she'd ever seen her before.

"Nobody calls me like that anymore," she said with a jovial laugh. "I picked a simpler name for myself."

Kunsel watched the two women embrace in a tight hug and smiled in delight. "I told you you'd be happy to see her, didn't I?"

Sadie nodded, returning his smile. "So she's the person we're here to see."

"Aha. We've kept in touch since the Zack incident happened. Cissn-" He cleared his throat when pronouncing the ex-Turk's new name: "I mean, Anna never stopped looking for the truth."

Sadie lowered her eyebrows and rubbed her forearm. "Wow, now I feel a little guilty. I thought you walked away from everything because you didn't want to hear from Avalanche anymore."

"You never sought me out," she replied with feigned sadness. "And here I was hoping to get at least one phone call."

"You said you wanted a new life!" Sadie pursed her lips as she added: "I imagined you were playing house with some wealthy chap, not playing double agent on a secluded island."

"You know how I am, tranquility isn't for me." Cissnei laughed softly, placing her hands on her hips. "But reproaches are pointless, aren't they? Friends can spend years apart without that becoming a problem. Especially when both of us were doing pretty much the same thing, just in different ways."

"The same thing?"

"Yes. We're still looking for Zack."

"Ah!" Sadie gaped an inch, closing the distance between herself and the young woman without noticing. "That's true! Although..." She took a step back, aware of her overzealousness. "Kunsel didn't want to tell me anything about what we're hoping to find here." She gave him a sidelong glance, which the Soldier answered with a nonchalant wink.

"Well, we're not a hundred percent sure of the results," Cissnei muttered, holding her chin as she explained: "I know you've been looking for him for a while, and I'd hate for you to be disappointed if we're wrong."

Sadie pouted. "You don't have to treat me like your little sister, I think I can figure out what's going on without throwing a tantrum."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh, come on!" She let out a grunt, dropping her arms close to her body. "What's all this?!"

Cissnei furrowed her eyebrows gravely and folded her arms. "You don't deal well with pressure. Remember what happened years ago; Fair backed you into a corner for a little time, and you almost put a bullet between his eyebrows."

"Oh..." She bit her lower lip. "But I was only a child then. Now I'm more than ready for unforeseen events!" She sighed, lowering her voice considerably as she added: "It wouldn't be the first time I've followed a false lead, believe me."

"Hmm..." She watched her closely. Cissnei was the person from whom Sadie learned her knowledge of body language and the ways in which it betrayed its unsuspecting speakers. She was an expert at reading others without them uttering a word.

Sadie looked uncomfortable. Her shoulders were arched toward her chest, her lips were pursed, and her forehead was tense. It was evident that she was ashamed of her past actions. But what kept bothering Cissnei was something more dangerous than her impulsiveness: her attachment to the subject to be retrieved.

"Look, Sadie." Cissnei gave her a hard-as-steel stare, the smiling face of moments ago gone as if it never existed. "We have to be prepared for worse things than a false lead. If we find him and..." She sighed, holding a hand to her temple. "If he's not well, then we won't be able to take him with us. Even if he cries out for it."

"I don't understand." Sadie shook her head in an obvious gesture of confusion. "What do you mean, _if he's not well?"_

"I want you to listen carefully to me." Cissnei put a hand on her shoulder, without breaking eye contact. "We suspect that Zack has been imprisoned on the island for a couple of years. Probably in the depths of an experimental research base." She frowned, unable to hide her disgust at the machinations of the company she'd learned to hate. "The site wasn't sanctioned by the International Science Research Council, so you can imagine that only a few of us know about it."

Sadie nodded inertly, still uneasy about what she'd just heard. Cissnei took a breath and continued, her voice growing deeper as she proceeded to lay out the situation: "There's no one to control the guys experimenting down there. No one. And they have access to a nearly endless Mako supply." She paused, carefully searching for the right words to say. "Do you remember... the form Angeal Hewley took before he died?"

Sadie simply nodded, staring blankly into the horrible nightmare that unfolded in front of her eyes as she recalled that tragic afternoon.

Angeal's voice echoed like a sinister whisper in the back of her mind: _"Shinra's evil isn't limited to destroying the planet's natural resources as you Avalanche people think. There's something considerably darker behind the company. And my existence... is proof of that."_

"Angeal didn't have to die for that!" She gritted her teeth until they chattered. The tone of her voice grew along the emotional storm raging inside her. "We could have... done something else to help him!"

Kunsel recoiled, his hand moved to the hilt of his sword on instinct and he immediately reprimanded himself. It was becoming increasingly difficult for him to drop his readiness to fight. Cissnei on the other hand, didn't even blink. "There it is. You're not prepared to deal with killing Zack if it gets complicated."

"Complicated?!" Sadie seemed to run out of breath with indignation. "Don't talk to me about complicated! Maybe the Turks leave behind people who aren't easy to save, but we don't do things like that in Avalanche!"

The redhead felt the familiar feeling that burns in the middle of one's chest when offended, but she suppressed it with ease. She liked to believe that an argument wasn't won with passions, but with arguments. "Remember that I'm no longer part of that organization, Sadie. Besides, this has nothing to do with the trouble of rescuing him, but with the possible consequences of doing it." She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head slightly to the side. "Zack wouldn't want to hurt anyone, just as Angeal didn't."

Sadie let out a distressed groan, dropping her shoulders as she stepped back, defeated. "Cissnei..." She shook her head, wiping a hand across her eyes. "I don't want the same thing to happen again."

"Then you won't be able to come with us."

Kunsel watched them anxiously, interrupting the discussion in a conciliatory tone of voice: "Doctor, I'm sure Zack will be very happy to see you again. Even if things don't go well, perhaps he could bring you some peace of mind in such a painful situation."

Sadie stared at him, more incredulous than hopeful. "It seems you didn't know him well. The last thing he'd want to see is my tricky face, believe me."

"I did know him!" The Soldier pursed his lips in a hesitant pout, but the excitement in his voice overcame the fear on his wavering face. "I may not have been so close to him as that boy from Nibelheim was, but he was still my friend! I would go against half of Shinra to help him, so you can be sure that I know who is special to him and who isn't!"

Both of them stared at him in silence, with Cissnei being the one who spoke up by stating: "Your passion is admirable, but it doesn't guarantee that Sadie won't let loose some horrible monster just because she's not tough enough to accept reality."

"That's not what this is about!" She didn't bother to contain the burning within her chest that Cissnei experienced earlier. "I made a promise to someone who's waiting for him and I'm not gonna fail her in any way! Monster, human or whatever the hell he decides to be! I'm going to kick his ass straight to stupid Midgar even if I have to deal with Bahamut itself on the way!"

Cissnei let out a weak sigh after a few moments of reflection. "Am I the only rational one on the team?"

"It takes heart to accomplish the mission!" Kunsel shouted as he pounded his chest with his clenched fist. "It doesn't hurt to be a little optimistic, Miss Anna!"

The redhead rolled her eyes, brushing a few strands of hair off her shoulder with a graceful flick of her wrist. "It's never done me any good."

"No?" The Soldier scratched the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly. "Well, maybe I'll bring you a little luck this time."

"Yeah..." She glanced at him warily, annoyed to find that the helmet covering his head prevented her from reading his expression in greater detail. "It would be a nice turn of events for a change."

Sadie approached them, still upset and impatient. "Enough of this chatter, where the hell is that research base supposed to be?"

Cissnei turned her gaze back to her almost immediately, returning to her strategist role in a heartbeat (unlike Kunsel, who was still checking her with an interest he did little to hide). The former Turk nodded, pointing to a spot far offshore. "It's right there, waiting for us to pay a visit."

Sadie narrowed her eyes and Kunsel mimicked her. "I don't see anything there."

"Oh!" The woman folded her arms, twisting her lips mischievously. "You won't see it from here. The base lies beneath the waves that cover the reef." They stared at her, their faces blank with surprise, unable to assimilate the news faster than Cissnei could continue: "Don't worry, I've planned how to infiltrate that place long enough for it to be a walk in the park. Trust me."

* * *

**City of Midgar. Sector 5 Slum.**

Far away from there, Aerith was quietly scanning the flowers growing in the cathedral with her face tinged with worry.

The petals didn't look good at all, the color was dull and peculiar dark spots climbing up the stem were beginning to make their way to the corolla. This was repeated on each of her precious flowers and the florist swore she'd never encountered such a problem before.

A voice that sounded like her own kept telling her that something awful had escaped from the planet. A rotten being, withering everything around itself. From the flowers, to the thoughts of the beings that walked the earth.

She shook her head vigorously, clenching her fists and trying to silence the voice with all her might. But all she achieved was to get many more to join in; each one shouting that evil was near and she had to go to-

"Enough!" she declared loudly, as if commanding a small child to be silent. "This paranoia isn't healthy at all!" She opened her eyes breathlessly and found that the voices turned into an anguished murmur, full of disappointment, which was again lost in the depths of her being.

What was happening? Why were the voices coming back? She had stubbornly ignored them since she was a child, but the clamor was reaching unsuspected levels of tension.

She pressed her lips together in a line, bringing her hands to her hips when she felt that Zack's presence was closer than ever. Did his impossible proximity have something to do with the return of that annoying phenomenon that only visited her at very important moments?

"Where are you? Where?" she whispered, pacing hesitantly around the cathedral. "If you're there..." She looked up at the flared roof over her garden, afraid to raise her voice and scare off whoever was listening. "Please, give me a sign!"

At that instant the roof came crashing down with a thunderous roar. Aerith managed to escape the collapse by pure chance, for she wouldn't have been so lucky if she hadn't been making impossible wishes to an unknown God.

She thought of her luck as she stood up, coughing due to the dust raised by the debris falling from above.

"What a piece of signal to send!" she complained in a nearly childish way, grunting under her breath as she observed the disaster that her favorite place had become, when she noticed in terror that a person was lying unconscious among what was left of her flowers. "Oh, by dearest Gaia!" She rushed to the wounded man's aid, unsure whether she should take him in her arms or leave him on the ground.

She was pondering her next move when the voices cried out in unison; causing her intense dread as they repeated what every cell in her body seemed to feel, but which her rational side couldn't conceive.

"Zack?" She looked at the injured man in disbelief. His uniform, the sword he carried on his back, and that indisputable presence that flowed from his whole being! The coincidences were many, yes, but the stranger didn't physically resemble him. "It's impossible, impossible..." she muttered in a sort of trance, reaching out with her fingertips to brush the tangled golden bangs away from the unconscious man's face.

However, the impossible ceased to be impossible the moment her skin connected with his and a shiver ran through her from end to end; confirming the planet's shrill message:

In some way as singular as indecipherable, _this man harbored a mysterious connection to Zack._

* * *

The rebels headed for the farthest point on the Mideel coast. Cissnei and Sadie wore a pair of neat Turk uniforms that belonged to the former.

The ex-Turk kept them in perfect condition and although Sadie's was short in the arms and legs due to the marked difference in height between the two, this was of little concern to its owner. The scientists who lived at the base below the waves weren't used to dealing with outsiders. They were so immersed in research that their spatial attention levels lacked the sharpness needed to detect details such as the wrong size of a tight-fitting uniform.

"They're too confident down there," she said to Kunsel (who wore his Soldier uniform) as they walked down the edge of the rocky slopes that bordered the beach. "They don't expect anyone to invade them so they don't even take measures to ensure the facility's safety. If we do things right we should have no problem in making them think we're on a routine mission."

The plan was orchestrated very early in the morning. The women would pretend they were bringing back a fugitive Soldier who escaped from the facility. Cissnei assured them that belonging to the Turk elite was like having VIP access to any installation of the company.

A Turk never gave explanations about their movements. They just did what they were told to do blindly without letting anyone stand in their way. Cissnei enjoyed that freedom that resembled the real thing for years. The chance to be feared, to watch everyone bow to her iron tenacity. The dread of being the new enemy to defeat reflected in the eyes of whoever dared to block her way.

But the sad truth was that she was only free if she remained faithful to Shinra. She inhabited a spacious cage, with no rules and overflowing with luxuries, but a cage nonetheless. She wanted above all else to be free; to fly wherever she pleased, slave only to her own unique will.

The times of Shinra were over for Cissnei, but she could still put her past to a worthy use. One with which she could give Zack's wings back to him, who lost them because of her past actions.

The reports she wrote during her follow-up on him in the months after Hewley's disappearance, set a significant precedent about the Soldier's abilities; one that heavily influenced his promotion to 1st Class. The overview got him shipped to Nibelheim with General Sephiroth and that deprived him of having the time his master needed to open his eyes to the truth behind Shinra.

"This is the entrance," she muttered under her breath, pointing to a vine that clung weakly to the rocky wall of a cliff that towered over the shore. Her companions looked at each other, puzzled.

Sadie was the first to speak: "It can't be that simple."

"If you were a Mideel villager, you wouldn't be looking for hidden doors among the overgrown rocks. Would you, Sadie?"

"No. No, of course not, but..." She bit her lip. "We could have done this a lot sooner!"

"No way." Cissnei examined the rock with her fingertips, pressing certain places mechanically. "Security wasn't so lax a few weeks ago. Back then two guards watched that nobody approached the area on the pretext that dangerous creatures roamed the area, but the head of the security department went on vacation to Costa del Sol." She smiled sideways. "You know how the saying goes; while the cat's away-"

"The mice will play."

"Exactly."

"I should have given you more credit, you really left no stone unturned in this." Sadie smiled not in relief, but rather in temporary satisfaction. "And what shall we do when we're inside? Kunsel doesn't look like he's coming against his will." She looked at the young man and arched her lips in a mischievous grin. "Maybe we should beat him up a bit first."

"Hey!" Kunsel placed his hands on his hips. "No one's going to believe that a Soldier would let himself be beaten by two women!"

"Ah!" Sadie's mouth dropped open an inch. "I didn't think you were so sexist!"

"B, because I'm not!" He leaned back and scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I'm just trying to be objective! The Turks are good, but the mako gives us abilities they can't have."

"Then say that a Soldier can't be beaten by two _Turks,_ instead of two _women._ " She folded her arms, visibly offended.

"I told you it's just a misunderstanding!" Kunsel sighed, turning in Cissnei's direction as he asked: "Cissnei, what are we going to tell them?"

Cissnei didn't look at him as she spoke, since she was concentrating on finding the slit that served as a trigger for the door to open: "You're a failed experiment that ran away from its captors and got caught halfway during his great escape. You know, just a bad reaction from mako and stress. Then you fell catatonic like all intoxicated people do and it was easy to drag you on foot with us."

"Sounds..." Kunsel took a deep breath, fully aware that this phenomenon could happen to him if his stress exceeded the recommended levels, "...very reasonable."

"That's it!" Cissnei pushed a hidden lever and the wall yielded without a sound, moving aside as an automatic door would. Inside was a bright hallway that resembled a modern hospital with spotless walls and mirrored floors.

"This place is..." Kunsel whispered in disbelief. "Real!"

They stepped cautiously inside and the door closed softly behind them. Cissnei reminded him how to act, fearful that he'd forget because of the shock. Kunsel nodded, trying to get past the lump that rose in his throat as soon as he set foot in the facility.

The three of them knew it was extremely possible they were getting closer to Zack with every step they took, and that made their hearts gallop harder than the mission's success demanded.

The interior of the room that greeted them at the end of the corridor (which descended meters and meters without needing a single staircase) was luxurious, with glowing finishes on the rounded ends of furniture so white as the walls pierced by oval windows that allowed them to view the bottom of the sea.

The reception was crowded with people (in robes so immaculate as everything around them), who went up and down without taking their eyes off their portable devices full of all kinds of information. The researchers were indifferent to anything except what concerned their tasks, just as Cissnei said.

The only one that noticed them with a friendly and curious smile was the receptionist waiting behind the main counter of the huge underwater building. The girl, with reddish-brown hair and kind eyes, waved at them. "Hey, this is the way to check-in!"

The visitors took a breath and jumped right into the wolf's mouth, praying that they wouldn't be swallowed by its jaws.

"Yes, I know. It's not my first time here." Cissnei showed off her Turk manners by casting a disdainful glance at the receptionist, who seemed strangely familiar to her. "You're a new face."

"Oh!" The girl brushed a strand of hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear, nodding repeatedly. "I've only been here a short time, it's true. I was transferred from the archives area." She smiled with pride. "And only two months after I started working here!"

"Ah. It must be easy to get promoted, I guess?" Cissnei tried to follow the conversation, but she noticed that Sadie turned pale and grabbed Kunsel to avoid falling backward. Cissnei pursed her lips and thought that maybe her nerves were playing a trick on her comrade, which was strange, since it wasn't the first time she'd pretended to be someone else in front of the enemy.

"It's a very closed environment, I don't think it's that easy to move up," continued the receptionist, not knowing whether to be offended or embarrassed by the newcomer's lack of manners. "I think I've earned my place."

"Yes, of course. I'll bring you a fruit basket to celebrate." Cissnei pointed to Kunsel with a sudden wave of her right hand that startled the receptionist. "This punk escaped a few days ago, we found him half-dead in Kalm's harbor."

"Oh, poor guy! Should I call a doctor?"

"No. He's a prisoner, not a patient. We have to take him back to the containers."

"Ah..." The girl looked at her personal computer's thin monitor, reading the building plans with the typical haste of a novice who wants to please. "You have to follow the corridor on the left, the one next to the window. Don't stop until you see sector's 13A entrance, the resident doctor will escort you to the containers."

"Okay, sector 13A. Roger that." Cissnei began walking as soon as she received the information, gesturing for Sadie to join her. She moved closer, keeping her eyes on the receptionist from over her shoulder, her lips parted in a distressed expression that was hard to hide.

"For Gaia's sake, Sadie," the ex-Turk murmured as they stepped into the hallway they had to follow. "What the hell happened to you back there? You looked like you'd seen the grim reaper."

"A ghost, maybe," she whispered, her voice trailing off as her face went pale as a sheet of paper. "Didn't you see her face?!"

"The receptionist?"

"No, Cissnei. Kunsel!" She grunted under her breath, shaking her head. "Of course I'm talking about the receptionist. I can't believe you didn't recognize her."

"She looked familiar, yes. Do we know her?"

"I'm not sure..." Sadie shook her head, looking at the ground as they walked. "She looked just like her, but she was definitely someone else."

Kunsel wished to say something, but kept silent to keep from breaking his facade. Cissnei was grateful for his courtesy; she already had too much trouble trying to calm her teammate for other of them to break from the plan.

"Are you sure or not? Because for not to be, you look like you're about to faint from shock."

"Well..." Sadie frowned, shoving her hands into her jacket pockets. "She's the spitting image of Jessie. My comrade from Avalanche, remember her?"

Cissnei blinked repeatedly. "The girl who made bombs?"

"That's the one."

"Hell, you're right!" She massaged her temple absently. "Even I couldn't tell what happened to her and Biggs after they got arrested. How could I ever imagine that she'd be living down here?"

"But that's crazy! She'd never work for Shinra!"

"Never say never. We all have a price."

"Stop talking nonsense!" Sadie lowered her voice when Kunsel elbowed her discreetly in the ribs. "She didn't even know who we were, it can't be Jessie."

"Maybe she didn't want to expose us. Just because she was bought off doesn't mean she wants her old comrades dead, does it?"

"No, no. The Jessie I knew would never sell out her ideals for a cushy job." She pressed her lips together as she felt the pain of remembering the person who'd taught her how to operate inside Avalanche when she was a teenager. "Jessie had principles."

Cissnei released a long sigh, pausing in front of the sector 13A door. "People change, Sadie. And not everyone places as much value on promises as you do."

"I'll never accept that was the Jessie I knew. They must have... brainwashed her or something."

A woman with flowing brown hair and a kindly look rose from her desk as she saw them stop in front of the door. "Good evening, ladies. What can I do for you?"

"We were ordered to return this specimen to the tube it came out of," Cissnei stated coldly and impersonally, pointing to Kunsel (who was about to scream due to the anxiety of being silent for so long) with a shake of her head.

"Oh." The doctor's face showed no emotion, they might as well have been showing her a rock or a plant instead of a person. "I don't remember any of them escaping."

"He did it under the change of watch of the surveillance chief. The sneaky bastard thought he was smarter than normal humans."

"Ah." The doctor put a hand to her chin, looking questioningly at him. "Is he a 1st Class Soldier?"

"Nah. Just a 2nd Class who got a little lucky, but the mako must have fried his brains by now." She snapped her fingers in front of Kunsel's face, as a way of showing his alienation. "See? Fried to a crisp."

The doctor dropped her shoulders in disappointment. "Gee... I thought I might get some interesting data about his stay away from the base."

"You already have an excuse to let them sneak away, huh?" Cissnei put her hands to her hips and Sadie figured from whom she learned to lie so well. "Thanks to them continuing to sneak out I have a job, so I can turn a blind eye if you need to do any experiments."

The doctor smiled as if she were a child allowed to cheat on a school test: "You are truly kind! I'll keep you posted, of course."

Sadie looked at the badge hanging on the chest of the woman's gown. The name "Lucrecia Crescent" was engraved in gold letters on its surface.

Lucrecia walked into the site that served as storage for the test specimens, inviting them to follow her through the industrial corridors (dingy in comparison to the rest of the facility) that stretched for yards and yards of what was a huge warehouse of reactors and complex machinery that none of the visitors managed to recognize.

There were glass tanks filled with bubbling mako underneath the steel suspension bridges they crossed to move from one place to the next with ease. The murmur caused by the substance's boiling was the only thing to be heard besides the oppressive silence that enveloped everything.

As they moved deeper and deeper into the warehouse, they began to notice rusty signs hanging from the ceiling that labeled each section with an alphabet letter. Dr. Crescent explained that each of these sections housed "the subjects," arranged in alphabetical order according to the last names by which they were admitted.

Sadie's heart leaped into her chest, for they were in section "D". She opened her mouth an inch, unable to hold her breath inside her body when she noticed that the letter "F" was less than thirty meters away from them. She recited the name "Zack Fair" mindlessly, the stress made it hard for her to believe they could actually be that close to him.

It was then that they heard a groan both sudden and distressing coming from behind them, the women turned to discover that Kunsel was standing in front of the railing of the "C" section bridge, cracking the helmet he previously wore on his head between his trembling hands.

Tears of fury streamed down his reddened face as he stared at the flooded mako tubes where hundreds of humans lay in a sort of suspended animation. "What the fuck is this?!" he cried out, his voice hoarse with pain. "Why is she here?!"

Cissnei moved cautiously towards him, smiling at the doctor who was looking at her with wide eyes. "There's nothing to worry about. From time to time he regains consciousness and you have to knock him back to sleep. I'll have him back to normal in a second." She tried to move closer, but the Soldier stopped her with a glare that only those who went through the mako cell infusion were capable of displaying.

Kunsel's eyes glowed with a murderous fire as he spat out the words between sobs: "You said they only had traitors here! That Zack betrayed Shinra and that's why he was punished!"

Cissnei took a breath, trying to prevent her facade from crumbling in front of Dr. Crescent. "And that's what he did, the company was always very strict on the loyalty code required from Soldier members."

"NO!" he denied, shaking his head sharply. His gaze fell on a tank in which a dark-haired, dark-skinned woman in her fifties floated amidst a sea of wires that clung to her skin like life-thirsty leeches. "Rita Cadence, fallen in action during the Wutai war!" he repeated the words that broke his heart ten years ago. "2nd Class Soldier, buried with honors in Midgar's pantheon of heroes!"

"Your... teacher?" Cissnei muttered, completely forgetting the acting.

"WHY THE HELL IS SHE IN THAT THING?!" he shrieked, rubbing his face violently with his forearm. "She gave her life for Shinra! She died fighting like she had to! She-"

"Please, send security to sector 13A!" pleaded Dr. Crescent on her intercom. "I think something's terribly wrong with some Turks who just came in! Please!"

"Oh, by Ramuh's beard!" Cissnei looked up with more frustration than surprise and turned to the woman reluctantly. "Don't get tough now-"

Lucrecia Crescent didn't even let her turn fully around. She shot her straight in the chest with an accurate shot that missed the center by only inches to the right.

Cissnei cried out as the projectile's blast sent her spinning and tumbling behind her attacker's back.

"CISSNEI!" Kunsel's voice sounded high-pitched and desperate when he called out her name. His mind was flying a mile a minute as he tried to predict the doctor's next move.

Sadie followed the conflict from the farthest position from its center, as her overzealousness to reach the "F" section caused her to walk faster than the others. She was behind Lucrecia, so she reached inside her jacket to pull out the weapon she stored in her shoulder holsters.

"SADIE!" Cissnei's voice stopped her in her tracks. "GO GET HIM! WE CAN DO THIS!"

The defender's jaw dropped. Everything seemed to move in slow motion due to the adrenaline that ran through her from end to end, and she could swear that the doctor's long hair danced in the air like a snake ready to deliver its awaited deadly bite.

She reminded her of her own self during that afternoon when, cornered, she shot Zack without a second thought. The man who relied on her; whose freedom, dreams and honor would be at stake in her next move.

This time she wouldn't miss. No way in the world was she going to miss.

* * *

**See you soon, many thanks for being on the other side!**


	9. Restart

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 9**

**"Restart"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

Two guns fired at the same time and only one hit its target.

Cissnei and Kunsel witnessed Sadie drop to her chest on the ground before firing; employing the prone shooting position to reduce her enemy's target area. Both felt surprise and relief when she adopted this stance, since it offered a smaller silhouette which was very handy for either defense or stability.

Lucrecia Crescent had a weapon but she was at a clear disadvantage as she lacked the military training of her attacker, and her shot missed at six feet in the air, where Sadie's head used to be.

The rebel's projectile found rest in the doctor's jaw, sending her tumbling off the bridge like one of those pretty glass bottles she used to shoot at during target practice. They would always rotate for an instant before shattering into a thousand pieces. Humans weren't so transparent as glass, but they were just as vulnerable as it.

"Sadie!" Cissnei groaned on the floor, holding her shoulder as she watched Dr. Crescent's corpse fall over a mako tank. "What part of get the hell out of here didn't you understand?!"

"A certain redhead once told me that you shouldn't hesitate when carrying a weapon." She frowned and moved out of the firing position. "This place will be crawling with guards any minute."

Cissnei nodded, concealing a grin at being reprimanded with her own words. "Yes. We can't waste time." She stood up without letting go of her shoulder.

"Are you all right? You shouldn't move in that state." Sadie reached over and applied a healing materia to her, which she pulled out of her jacket pocket.

"I've seen worse."

"Done." Sadie nodded when she realized that her partner's chest wound was fully healed. "It's the only orb I had with me, don't let them shoot you again."

"Don't worry, I won't." Cissnei huffed when she saw that Kunsel was trying to climb over the railing of the suspension bridge. "What on earth are you supposed to be doing now, Kunsel Reiss?!"

The Soldier barely raised his voice, balancing himself over one of the tanks: "I'm going to get my teacher out of there."

"Oh, Kunsel, this is too much!" Cissnei avoided Sadie (who wasn't very convinced of her quick improvement) ready to pull him back to the platform. "Don't we have enough troubles because of that woman?!"

"She raised me," Kunsel replied as he fumbled at the control panel on the back of the massive generator that powered the containers. "If your bloody mother were here after you believed her dead, would you walk away like it was nothing?"

The former Turk held onto the railing, surveying his actions. "Probably. I've no interest whatsoever in helping someone I don't know."

"Bah. Look who I've come to ask for scruples..." He punched the panel firmly, but it remained unresponsive to any of his multiple attempts to activate it. "Damn it!"

Cissnei sighed, every Soldier she came across tended to want to resolve everything with blows. She glanced over her shoulder at Sadie before saying: "I'm going down to help him. You go to "F" section, okay?"

"If you go down there you're going to need someone to watch your back, those guys are going to be here any minute. I'll hide and give you a bit of time."

At that moment a siren startled them with its long high-pitched wail. The lights in the subway complex turned red and flickered only seconds after the audible alarm went off.

"All the bullets in the world aren't going to buy us the time we need." Cissnei picked up her second gun and proceeded to reload it as well. "If we get caught it better be with Zack, I'd rather see him every day in our cell than let him burn in this mako hellhole alone."

Sadie nodded and took off running across the bridge toward the "F" section. She ran with all her might but kept feeling heavy and slow; like she was inside a nightmare where she drifted through a molasses sea to escape imminent danger.

The sound of her boots against the rickety steel heightened that unsettling feeling, as each strike seemed to become increasingly spaced out as she neared her goal.

_"Section F."_

The sign passed over her head almost unnoticed, and every muscle in her body ached as she stopped her rampant running amidst the sector's containers. She peered over both sides of the railing, trying to spot her target among the hundreds of tanks under the bridge. Many were fogged over, others covered in dirt, and most too surrounded by wires to make out what they contained.

"Damn it!" She lunged downward and her body complained as her feet made contact with the basement, ten feet below. She stood up and jogged through the darkness, discovering with dread that for some obnoxious reason these tanks were numbered instead of being labeled with the names of the stored subjects.

She approached each of the glass panes around her and rubbed their surface with her hands and forearms as fast and hard as she could. People of all ages remained imprisoned inside the containers and her stomach turned over when she discovered several children floating among nests of mako-covered wires. Sadie felt so much anguish that she nearly broke the walls that separated her from these stolen lives.

But she didn't have that luxury; Zack came first. It was unfair... and she knew he'd demand for her to get these people out of their cells before him, but she wasn't and didn't expect to become a hero. Heroes ended up like Zack Fair; paying for things no one should have to pay for.

She continued to walk through the huge "F" section, accompanied by the mournful siren who persevered as much as she did in her attempt to perform her duty. That siren was joined by other sounds that froze Sadie's heart:

Gunfire. The guards had arrived to sector 13A and were probably opening fire on Cissnei and Kunsel.

Sadie paused, biting her lips until they hurt. She was blindly confident in their survival (no matter how many subjects they faced: a Soldier and a Turk weren't an easy duo to subdue), but she felt awful about leaving them behind.

She was clearing the surface of a new tank when she saw from the corner of her eye that an adjoining room had its lights on. She unlocked the safety lock on her gun and stepped with both haste and caution into the place. If she was lucky enough to find a worker in there she could force him to take her to Zack.

She pushed the door open with her free hand's back and entered without lowering her weapon, whose flashlight pointer shifted from side to side in search of movement. It didn't take her long to discover that the room was some sort of sinister aquarium, with dozens of bodies floating inside transparent bags. Surrounded by the ever-present mako like fishes in the water.

No employees were in sight but the bodies were easier to identify through the windows, so she anxiously peered through one of them; sticking her nose to the glass as her eyes darted around, following the flashlight beam that illuminated faces that seemed to pleasantly dream in the midst of the Avernus they were captives of.

"Zack, Zack..." she started to whisper on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The gunshots couldn't be heard anymore. They'd come any second now, and Zack wouldn't be back.

Aerith would never find peace. She'd go on waiting forever, stuck in the uncertainty of wondering whether to keep hoping or daring to live without him again. Nobody would treasure Angeal's honor. His dreams and all that he entrusted to his apprentice would be lost with him.

And she...

She dropped to her knees before the window, without releasing the flashlight with which she persistently focused on hundreds of faces. They all had to be saved, but the one she needed to save herself... wasn't there. Sadie hit the glass with her forehead, letting out a pained groan as she slid to the floor, unable to maintain her faith for another second.

She felt like screaming and tearing everything around her apart, but her gaze fell on something she didn't notice while standing in the room; a man slept in a bag similar to those in the eerie aquarium where she searched only moments ago. He rested under a rickety desk that (from the looks of the multiple bloodstains) seemed to have been used as a gruesome operating table where precarious surgeries were performed.

The woman crawled closer, gaping slightly as she recognized the profile of the face she was looking at. It was hard to distinguish him beneath the matted hair and pale, sickly complexion. He had many new scars, but the most glaring was a cross-shaped one that ran across his jaw from side to side. She'd never seen it before, but it had to be Zack.

It had to be him.

She grabbed the bag and pulled it off the bottom tray of the desk, tearing the material with her sore fingers from scrubbing the despicable containers with all her might. Sadie wrinkled her nose when she was engulfed by the overpowering smell of alcohol, undoubtedly used to preserve the bodies inside each capsule.

She took the man by the shoulders and placed him on her lap. His torso was naked, but he was wearing the pants and boots of a Soldier's uniform that she'd recognize anywhere. As soon as the detail dawned on her, her hopes rose dramatically. She smacked his face with both rudeness and haste, he was chilled to the bone and the fear that he was dead ran through her from head to toe.

She wanted to say something to wake him up, but her nerves were so bad that her voice wouldn't come out. Not even her own breath seemed to flow in and out of her body for several minutes now, so she kept shaking and slapping him with her glassy gaze lost in his sleeping face.

He looked different; youthful features hardened by the obvious hardships he endured. But there was still an innocence in his expression that she learned to desperately look for in every Soldier she came across since he disappeared.

"Zack!" Her voice sounded hoarse and high-pitched when she finally managed to speak, still shaking him by the shoulders with increasing violence. "You can't die, I have to take you home!" She pursed her lips into a line, gripping the unconscious man's wrists with her remaining strength. "You have to see Aerith! She's waiting for you, damn it!"

* * *

Aerith.

What a beautiful name.

It brought back memories of flowers; Midgar's golden flowers and their vanilla scent. They shone like the sun, but without hurting the eyes. Which was a blessing, because he thought the sun was a lovely thing and being unable to see it directly sucked.

Why were there beautiful things in this world if one wasn't able to appreciate them? He wanted to face that splendor head-on and be filled by all its brightness, by its endless warmth.

A deep sigh escaped from his chest and his breath darkened the air around him.

Come to think of it, it was a long time since he'd been in front of something that made him vibrate. Lately, everything was rather... monotonous. There were no new tastes, smells, or sights. Everything was dreary and closed, sad and caged.

He felt a deep oppression around him, as if the darkness throbbed when it sensed his lucidity. Where was he before it all went out? Where did the flowers and the warmth go? He spun around, trying to retrace his steps to get out of that place.

"Hey!" He echoed with his hands. "Is anyone here?!" He twisted his lips into an annoyed grimace. How did he get into such a wolf's mouth? It was obvious he wouldn't find anyone dumb enough to be just as stuck as he was.

_"Zack."_

He startled when he heard his name rumble in the dimness. "Ah! There's really someone there!" He grinned from ear to ear and sighed, relieved. "I thought I was lost, luckily I'm not the only one who wanders off the path in these parts."

The voice didn't answer and his smile slowly faded. Something in the back of his head warned him that nothing good happened when his name was called, and he became puzzled at the curious direction of his thoughts.

_"Zack, please."_

The voice was growing insistent and for some unknown reason he didn't quite like that. He frowned and took a step back, wary.

_"Zack."_

"Enough with the _Zack, Zack...!"_ he growled, feeling a dreadful fear rise up from his legs and paralyze him, preventing him from moving away from whatever was calling him. "Be careful of what you ask for because it's going to ram you like a speeding train, do you hear me?!"

He received a blow to the chest in response and went sprawling backward to the ground. He felt himself land on an icy surface and discovered to his horror that he was lying on the horrific desk of his nightmares.

How the hell could he forget the desk?!

He flailed around attempting to scream his throat out, but his body remained motionless as he suffered the helplessness of being stabbed relentlessly and mercilessly by the knives and needles that descended upon him. From the depths of the terror that consumed him, he could feel the cuts as blows that terrified and confused him at the same time. That bastard scientist must have fucked up something on his nerves; he couldn't even suffer like a normal person anymore.

He growled under his breath, tired of being beaten by his captor. If only he could move a finger! He breathed in and was shocked to notice that the air was colder than normal. Everything around him was blurry so he tried to move. He knew that losing his vision would send him back into darkness and he was sick of that place. Sick of looking for light where it would never exist.

He tried his hardest to hold the image of the flowers in his mind; the warmth and the light. He suspected that if he clung to them long enough, they'd give him the strength he needed to regain his longed-for freedom.

The flowers swayed gently, caressed by a mysterious breeze that escorted a walker whose hair glowed with an extremely similar light.

"Cloud!" Zack smiled through the pain, ecstatic to remember his best friend after so many years of forgetfulness. "Cloud, man! I finally found you!" He reached for him, but the pain of lying motionless on the desk slapped him roughly. "Ah, that's right. I'm just imagining you..." He sighed, holding every detail of Cloud's face in his mind. "Maybe I should stay here. Being my legacy gave you a purpose to recover and made your dream come true. If I go back you won't be able to shine as you deserve, my friend." He forced a smile and Cloud's ghost returned it before disappearing into the sea of light that surrounded him.

He grimaced, feeling sick at the thought of his friend abandoning him. Even knowing it was an illusion it was nice to think they were still together. Loneliness filled his chest with anguish as he stood alone with the sinister knife man.

That damned good-for-nothing guy! Zack wasn't going to let some pathetic old man in glasses have his way with him. He felt nauseous when the shaking returned and he clenched his fists, concentrating all his fury on stopping the torture. It didn't matter if there were many more to come after that one, at least once... he'd show him the terrible strength of a Soldier.

He roared his attacker's name and stood up quickly, grabbing him by the shoulders to smash his clenched fist into that disgusting face that kept smiling through the shiny glass he'd just broken.

"No more!" he growled, his voice hoarse with anger. "No mo-"

He froze.

He wasn't in front of the guy with the knife, but in front of... a woman. One who stared at him with wide eyes behind a cute, bloodied face. Zack yelped in shock and jerked away from her to avoid further damage. "I, I... don't know, I don't know what happened!" He became distressed upon discovering that his knuckles were reddened and stained with blood. He needed no further proof to confirm that he'd wounded her by mistake.

The girl (to his great confusion and surprise), let out a jovial laugh amidst the tears that flooded her green eyes. She said nothing but just laughed with evident bliss in her gaze. Zack sighed when he realized that he was still in the creepy surgery room, she was the only thing out of place.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled without looking away from the cutting wound he gave her. "I don't understand anything. Who are you? How did you get in?"

The smile faded from Sadie's face, giving way to a pained expression that brought a lump to Zack's throat. "You don't know... who I am?"

The survivor shook his head slightly, pursing his lips into a line as he muttered: "No, I'm sorry. Should I?"

She nodded with her eyes closed and Zack felt that his answer caused her more pain than the punch.

"Oh. Sorry, I..." He sighed, looking regretfully at the new scars that ran across his arms. He put a hand to his forehead and forced a smile. "I'm not quite right in the head. These bastards fiddle with the wiring until you forget who you are, you know?" He tightened his lips together and stared at her. "What's your name?"

"Sadie." The girl approached him with a hesitant step and slipped an arm under his, holding him by the waist. "Sadie Darcy."

Zack stiffened at the unexpected contact. "What are you doing?"

His savior dragged him with considerable effort to help him up from the floor. "You can't walk alone and we need to leave before they know we're in this part of the sector." She looked outside with narrowed eyes. "The patrol passed this way twice, but they still didn't think to look inside." She looked at him directly and deeply, causing the Soldier to look away at the gesture. "Zack, do you remember Aerith?"

Aerith, the flower girl. Twenty-three little wishes, eighty-nine letters.

Aerith!

Zack smiled until the corners of his mouth ached and nodded vigorously. "In fact... you just reminded me about her!"

Sadie smiled back without managing to hide a certain sadness that the man read on her face. "Good. I was afraid I'd done all this for nothing."

"Hmm? What do you mean, _all this?"_

The girl adjusted her grip on him and began to walk, carrying her companion's weight with determination. She looked straight ahead and her chest filled with fearlessness before a confident smile tugged at her lips as she explained: "Embrace my dreams, protect my honor."

* * *

**Author's note:**

Another chapter gone! Zack is finally back, albeit with the added twist of his partial amnesia (and other tidbits you'll learn about later XD).

I'm grateful for the wonderful comments I received both in FFN and AO3, as well as the kudos I got from the users of the latter. Big hugs to the silent readers as well, I love to see that you're enjoying the story! :D


	10. The morning light

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 10**

**"The morning light"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

Zack and Sadie entered the ventilation ducts and crawled into them as stealthily as possible. There was a great commotion in the science base and the crew didn't know how to handle it. Some continued with their tasks amid the commotion while the rest rushed out of the facility as if the place was on fire.

They clearly weren't prepared to deal with an enemy invasion.

Sadie groaned, if she'd known Shinra relied on such a sloppy place she would've told Barret and the others immediately. They could surely get the prisoners out if Avalanche broke into the place. With the help of that cocky Cloud Strife guy they might turn the base upside down in the blink of an eye, but now it was a matter of time before the higher-ups figured out about it and the opportunity was completely lost.

What a waste.

"What ties you to Angeal?" Zack's voice, who was crawling a few meters behind her, brought her out of her musings.

"What are you talking about?"

"I asked if you're related to Angeal." He pursed his lips and lowered his eyebrows over his eyes, wrinkling his nose as he added: "That thing you said back there about dreaming and honor was like... his signature greeting card."

Sadie smiled sideways, nodding softly: "I learned it from him, if that's what you want to know." She looked at the reception through a gap in the duct connection. "I'm glad you still remember it."

"I didn't forget it at any point." He took a breath, pausing to rest for a moment. "I guess guilt doesn't let you forget some people."

"Maybe." She couldn't help but think of Biggs and Jessie. Reflecting about the young engineer prompted the receptionist's likeness to pop into her mind. She tried to push the thought aside to concentrate on scanning the outside. "You're not guilty of anything, Zack."

"I'm not sure how much you know about this, but... thanks, I guess."

"The ones to blame are people like those guys down there. What they did to Angeal has no excuse or forgiveness." She motioned for him to come closer and look through the gap. "I was there and I felt like you for a long time, but..." She stepped aside to make way for him, "I was given more time to realize he was just another victim."

He looked quizzically at her: "Were you there when he...?"

"Yes."

Zack shook his head sideways. "I don't remember you there."

"Well, perhaps..." Sadie shrugged, trying unsuccessfully to turn the communicator on, "...it may be better if you don't."

"Don't get mysterious with someone who has amnesia." He peeked through the cracks, smiling mischievously as he added: "I'm a little paranoid and I'm starting to fear you're an enemy or something like that."

Sadie stared at him silently, still turning the device's dials. She wished it was just paranoia.

"I haven't seen anything except the containers and the surgical ward since I was brought here." He grimaced and clicked his tongue, following the armed guards with his eyes. "I'd throw them all in the damn tanks to teach them a good empathy lesson."

"And even then they wouldn't learn. Believe me, these people are hopeless." She kept trying to make contact with Cissnei's radio. "Let me know when there's a little less movement out there, will you?"

"As you command." He looked sideways at her, unable to control his curiosity. "You didn't tell me where you knew Angeal, though."

"You're still just as persevering, huh?"

"Hmm?" He ran a hand over the back of his neck, looking down at the lobby's reception desk. "I never heard of him having a girlfriend. Angeal was very secretive about his... personal life."

"W, what did you say?" Sadie blinked repeatedly. "W, we didn't have that kind of relationship!"

"You didn't?"

"No!" she denied flatly, shaking the problematic intercom that seemed unwilling to cooperate with the mission. "He was... a friend."

Zack glanced back at her, paying closer attention to the wound he inflicted on her cheek. "He didn't have many friends. Well, except for Genesis and Sephiroth." It was bizarre to utter their names after so many years, mainly because of the bitter resentment that seemed to rise from his throat. "Shinra was his whole life, and being an honorable Soldier his only concern."

Sadie nodded, letting out an unintentional sigh. "He took me off the streets when I was a kid; during one of his missions. He fed me and took care of me until I got a job and a place to stay."

Zack smiled, pleasantly surprised to learn of his mentor's good deed. "Really? Wow, that's something I can imagine him doing." He turned to her, leaning his aching back against the duct's cold metal. "I bet you were extra special to him, otherwise... he would've talked more about you."

The girl's eyes opened to their widest extent, surprised by the curious statement. "That doesn't make sense. You're supposed to talk about the people you hold dear."

"Not Angeal." He raised his gaze to an invisible sky without erasing the smile from his face. "When he grew attached to something he tended to push it out of his life. As if it was too pure to be part of the existence he led as a warrior." His lips relaxed and his face became slightly gloomier. "His father's sword, his dreams, even me... he threw it all away when his life began to fall apart."

Sadie lowered her gaze and her voice mimicked her pupils as she spoke: "Yeah, I never understood why he didn't ask for my help and simply disappeared."

"I bet you were precious to him." He smiled again, baring his teeth as he nodded. "Someone who'd step into hell to save his favorite student is worth the trouble!"

Sadie couldn't help but smile back, a reaction she immediately tried to conceal by turning her attention back to the radio communicator. "Do you remember Cissnei and Kunsel?"

Zack put a hand to his chin and tilted his head slightly to the side. "Cissnei? Yes, I remember the sight of her in a swimsuit."

"Huh?" Sadie gaped an inch, totally disoriented. "Are you sure that's a real memory?"

"Hmm, it looked so real as it did in my mind when-"

"Okay. I don't want to know anything else. Thanks, Zack." She took a breath, rolling her eyes. "And Kunsel? Was he wearing a bikini the last time you saw him too?"

"Maybe," he replied in a sing-song voice, crossing his arms and peeking through the gap. "I don't seem to have any trouble remembering them." He looked at her over his shoulder, smiling mischievously as he asked: "Did we...?"

Sadie gave him a look of disgust. "Did we, what?"

"We didn't go out or anything, did we?"

"What?!" Her face reddened with both surprise and indignation. "Of course not! What's on your mind?!"

"I was just curious!" He let out a chuckle that he tried hard to restrain to avoid alerting the employees of his presence. "I know how I am with the ladies."

"A jerk?"

"Hmm. Half of that, at least." He shrugged. "I could've broken up with you and that's why I'm experiencing this..." He tapped his forehead with the tips of his index and middle fingers, "...mysterious block that won't let me know who you are."

"You should be asking about Aerith instead of thinking nonsense." She grinned when she noticed the radio was finally turning on. "Not a day went by that she didn't ask about you. In fact, it's because of her insistence that I came to your rescue."

Zack's eyebrows arched and his face lit up in an instant. "Really?!" He dropped backward into the duct and the sound he made caused Sadie to reprimand him; a warning he ignored completely. "Thanks to Gaia! I thought she'd forgotten about me by now! After the last letter... Hell, so she didn't get tired of waiting for me!" He stood up abruptly and banged his head against the ceiling of the duct.

"Can you calm down already?!" Sadie pursed her lips into a line. "You're going to get us caught!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He smiled and rubbed the top of his head. "It's just that after all I did trying to get back to Midgar... And she didn't give up!" He clenched his fists in front of himself, grinning from ear to ear. "WAIT FOR ME AERITH! I'M COMING FOR YOU!" And he ripped off the duct screen to jump straight into the void.

"ZACK!" Sadie peered over the edge of the vent, trying her hardest to suppress her fury. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?!"

The man picked himself up off the ground without letting the fall take one bit of joy away from him. "There's no one left and I couldn't wait any longer inside that thing! We have to get to Midgar at any cost!"

"I know..." She let out a long sigh, looking around. "What do you think we're here for?"

"We are? Did anyone else come with you?"

"Aha. The ones I mentioned to you earlier; Cissnei and Kunsel stayed behind when I went looking for you." She slammed the communicator against the duct when she noticed it had gone out again. "If only this thing would let me know if they're okay!"

Zack placed his hands on his hips, watching her from below. "Maybe if you come over here I could fix it. I'm good at fixing things."

"I thought Soldiers did the exact opposite."

"Hey, is this what I get for being nice?" He pursed his lips, bluntly averting his gaze. "Well, get down however you can."

"Oh, yeah?" Sadie raised her eyebrows, grinning mischievously. "Did you think I'd let myself fall into your arms, Zack Fair? Come on, I can get down better than you."

"W, WAIT!" He stretched out his arms, rushing forward in a futile attempt to catch her if she fell. "It's too high and you aren't like me! Y, you might break something if you don't-"

Sadie hit the ground and rolled a few feet with surprising grace, getting to her feet with a haughty grin on her face. "You were saying?"

"But!" Zack dropped his arms beside his body, with a sigh that gave way to an annoyed expression he didn't bother to hide. "You're not what you seem, I see."

"Learning to fall is Avalanche's first lesson." She gaped wide, suddenly hopeful for something Zack couldn't grasp. "Hey! Remember Avalanche?!"

"Ava..." Zack nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yes, they're the terrorists Angeal joined before he left Shinra."

"But... you know we were right in the end, right?" She walked toward him, her gaze searching his expectantly. "That Shinra wasn't just an electric company and... they were drying up the planet to experiment on people, and... other terrible things."

The Soldier gave her a long look, breaking into a half-smile when he understood the purpose of the conversation. "Do you want to know if I'm on their side now?"

Sadie nodded with a nearly imperceptible shake of her head; it was clear she was on the edge of uncertainty on the matter. Zack sighed and took the radio communicator from his companion's hands. His face hardened as he inspected the device. "How many years has it been?"

"More than five, Zack."

"Hell, I thought it was a little less."

"No." Sadie watched as the man's hands deftly opened the communicator, twisting piece after piece with consummate skill. "There aren't many Soldiers left in Shinra now; we recently had one join us who left the forces because he was unhappy with his pay or whatever. Kunsel is a double agent and we're seeing more and more of these cases every day. You can say they're losing the military power they had, but even with that against them they're much stronger than the resistance."

"I'd have to be an idiot to remain loyal to the bloody Shinra." He raised his eyes briefly to make meaningful eye contact with his listener. "Those guys are getting out without going through what I had to endure, so it should be obvious whose side I'm on now."

"That makes sense, yes." Sadie clasped her hands and took a step forward. "But you weren't just another run-of-the-mill Soldier; you had very strong convictions."

Zack paused and stared at her, perplexed. "Yes, I did." He frowned, turning back to the radio. "Until they felt like using Cloud and me as lab rats."

"Did you say... Cloud?" Sadie tried to hide her surprise at hearing Avalanche's new member's name. So the letter he had was actually written by Zack!

"What's wrong?" He turned his face gently toward her, blue eyes shining with hidden hope. "Do you know where he is?"

"They kidnapped that person at the same time as you?"

"Yes, he was my best friend and... I don't know what happened to him."

There was a lump in her throat as she realized he'd never know about Cloud's survival. Kunsel was very clear in explaining that Zack couldn't know about the events that took place in Nibelheim five years ago. She didn't ask him what the motives behind that precaution were, but would do it if she was lucky enough to see him alive again.

Her comrade emphasized how dangerous it was to allow them to see each other's faces, and all Sadie could suspect was that it was a consequence of the experiments they were subjected to. Mako had the power to turn anyone into an unstoppable beast, and it was wise to be wary of the threat posed by the horrors they suffered during their time in Shinra's unholy labs.

"The name sounds familiar, but I don't remember where I heard it," she lied.

"Oh..." Zack breathed in slowly, extending the radio to her with a half-smile tinged with disappointment. "Okay, it's ready. Call them while I figure how to get out of here."

"Wow!" Sadie nodded enthusiastically, tuning into Cissnei's radio. "Thank you!"

"Don't mention it." He checked an automatic door with a fluorescent sign that read "Exit". The base had been sealed from the outside for security reasons and that caused him a claustrophobic feeling that increased as he walked from door to door without being able to open them.

No matter how much he wandered in that damned place, it seemed to stretch to infinity. It was a fucking nightmare.

"Zack!" Sadie's voice brought him back to reality. "Cissnei and Kunsel are okay!"

"Is that so?" He smiled, leaning closer to hear the communicator. "Are they as screwed up as we are?"

"No. They managed to access the facility's plumbing. If we follow their instructions, we can get to shore!" She put the communicator in his hands and kept smiling. "They want to talk to you, so you lead from now on."

Zack took the device and his lips arched even higher when he heard the voices of those he thought he'd never hear again.

* * *

The four of them gathered on the shore amid tight hugs and cries of victory. Kunsel sobbed loudly and even Cissnei had to hide her tears, for the morning light brightened Zack's joyful face in an ultra-earthly way. Life was granting them unthought-of truces after so many sacrifices, and neither dared to question whether the nature of the respite was permanent or not. For now... they were happy.

Zack covered his eyes with the back of his hand. Despite the bliss of seeing sunlight after all those years of confinement, its glow hammered his head with a hateful migraine; a cruel reminder of the ordeal overcome.

Kunsel rummaged through his jacket pockets before extracting a black visored cap which he placed on his head amidst the ecstatic laughter of Cissnei and Sadie.

"Why are you laughing so hard? It's a nice gesture! The sun is burning my eyeballs!" Zack exclaimed as he realized he was being made fun of.

"Shinra always looking out for you, huh?" said Cissnei, pointing mischievously at the cap.

"What the hell are you...?" He slapped the cap off, horrified to discover the embroidery that read _"Shinra Electric Power Company"_ in big, gold letters. "OH, KUNSEL! FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

"I, I'm sorry! It's the only one I had with me!"

"You've got to be kidding me!" Zack dropped his shoulders, letting out a low snort. "No way. Shinra owes me a lot of things, and if one of them is to take away my migraine, then so be it!"

Sadie laughed heartily as the former Soldier put his hat back on, ignoring the hateful look he gave her as he did so. It was then she noticed Cissnei tapping her shoulder. She turned to her, still smiling when she asked: "Is something wrong?"

Cissnei nodded. "We can't stay here, we have to leave Mideel as quickly as possible."

"Oh. Right, right." She nodded at the same time, looking around. "Reinforcements will be here soon, and we should be afraid of them."

"Exactly." Cissnei pointed to the village. "We managed to get Kunsel's teacher out and took her to the inn before coming back for you. She's unconscious and quite delicate, but I think we can move her when she's a little more stable."

"Ah, that's excellent news! But are you sure she's not in danger here?"

"It won't be long before she wakes up, and I have... someone willing to transport us when she does."

"Oh, I see." Sadie grinned slyly. "You still hanging out with those dirty Turks?"

"Bad grass never dies." She crossed her arms over her chest, smiling sideways.

Zack approached and stepped between them, annoyed to hear the getaway plan. "I don't know who that lady in bad shape is, but I intend to get the hell out to Midgar right now."

"Zack."

"No, Sadie!" She recoiled when Zack raised his voice as he seldom did. "I'm going to Midgar even if I have to swim for it!" He frowned and bit his lip hard. "I've waited too long, too long! If I don't see her by tomorrow... I'm going to freak out!"

Cissnei shook her head adamantly (completely at odds with his wacky romantic beliefs), when Sadie stopped her with a gentle conciliatory gesture: "No. Let him go." She smiled kindly at a confused Zack, breathing in the sea air with an unusual calmness for her. "It's time for them to be together and it's our duty to reunite them as soon as possible."

Cissnei became upset, but Zack gave her a grateful smile: "Sadie, thank you!"

The girl crossed her arms over her chest, shaking her head as she explained: "You don't have to thank me at all, it's a debt I have to repay you."

"A debt?"

"Yeah." She looked at his face, going over every detail as if seeing it for the first time. "I must start to get things right."

Zack let out a low chuckle, absently rubbing the back of his neck. "I'd forgive you any debt since you were the one who got me out of that hell, but if that gets you to take me to Aerith... then I'll keep you in a lifelong debt."

She smiled at the same time, seized by the feeling of not dwelling in the waking world; but in one of those beautiful dreams that always ended in the best part. "You'll be with her in no time, I promise."

* * *

**Author's note:**

That's all for today! I hope you enjoyed this chapter because I loved to translate it! Zack is a wonderful character and I find both his spontaneous energy outbursts and deeper musings on his troubled Soldier status highly amusing to write.

I re-uploaded this story to AO3 since I had issues that couldn't be solved without doing it, so I apologize for any inconvenience caused. I look forward to receiving the lovely support from all the readers who enjoyed the previous upload! ;)


	11. Non-human

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit._

* * *

**The Why of Things**

**Chapter 11**

**"Non-human"**

By Lady Yomi

* * *

Sadie was stuffing the few things she carried into her backpack, inspecting every nook and cranny of the inn's room so she wouldn't forget any of her belongings.

She tossed her luggage onto the bed to pack her coat when an old notebook fell out of her bag and opened halfway on the floor. She stared at the photographs tucked inside (now scattered on the floor) and smiled softly as she held one of them.

It was taken a year earlier.

Aerith hugged her around the waist, her face so full of dirt as hers. Marlene, her boss's little foster daughter, stood on her tiptoes to get in the picture, holding tight to Mrs. Elmyra's (Aerith's mother) arm so she wouldn't lose her balance. Her Avalanche colleague, Wedge, was also there (albeit on the other side of the camera).

That afternoon her comrade and herself were patrolling the area and Aerith kept insisting for them to come and help her with the garden as she saw them passing by. Marlene and she were very close; they both lived in Midgar's rough area and the young girl made a connection so immediate as special with the florist. Sadie refused to drop her chores, but Wedge was still a child at heart and all it took was telling him he could plant something in Mrs. Gainsborough's vegetable garden to convince him to leave the patrol.

Sadie stroked the photograph with her fingertips, taking a deep breath as she watched the happy expression that lit up Aerith's face on the paper. She would be smiling again soon, she'd ensure it would be a never-ending bliss. Her friend wouldn't suffer the uncertainty that suffocated her heart since Angeal left.

"Who brings a family album to a rescue mission?" Zack's voice, who was looking at her with his back leaning against the door frame, surprised and annoyed her at the same time.

"What are you doing here, Zack?"

He shrugged, looking at the pictures scattered on the floor. "Wasting time while our ship arrives."

"Oh." She sighed and hurried to pick up the pictures. "It's true, I'm a bit of a klutz at moving around. I always end up losing something in the process so I'd rather... Hey, what are you doing?"

Zack smiled, easily taking several photos out of her hands. "I just want to know more about you, you're pretty mysterious hiding things like they're adult magazines, what if some of this reminds me of you?"

Sadie huffed, averting his gaze. "You're better off not knowing anything; trust me."

"Hmm?" He arched his eyebrows, not looking away from the photos. "You don't seem like such a bad person." He chuckled with joy at the first picture Sadie viewed before his arrival. "Aerith's in this one! Ha! Look at that piece of garden she put together!"

"Her business is doing very well, so much that the church flowers couldn't keep up with the demand anymore." She smiled sideways, pointing her finger at a remote area of the garden. "She told me she planned to put a calla lilies plantation over there. They're hard to grow but I've no doubt her magic fingers will do the trick. She'd grow jungles on the rocks, I know."

Zack nodded, his gaze fixed on Aerith's smiling face. "I can't wait to see all of that with my own eyes."

"You will." Sadie stood up, packing the rest of the photographs in her purse. "You can keep that one," she added. "I bet it'll give you strength when we're six feet away from her and your legs grow stiff with panic."

"Panic?" He rose with a confident smile, taking the picture to his heart in a dramatic way. "I don't know that word."

"You will."

"Bah! Don't bet your gil on it if you don't want to end up even deeper in debt, Zack Fair would never tremble at a challenge." He pocketed the photo, curious about a subject that pricked him like a needle under his fingernails. "Hey, hey! I just realize you know Aerith besides Angeal! When-"

Sadie lifted the corners of her mouth, adjusting her coat buttons. "Long before you, actually."

"Nah, are you serious?"

"Yeah." She shouldered her backpack, surveying the room with her gaze. "Angeal had an accident in the slums when he was trying to bring Genesis back to his senses." She stared at him. "He went through the roof of the church Aerith frequented after fighting with him, and she was the one who gave him first aid."

"Damn... I don't remember that."

"Because you weren't there." She shook her head, turning to the window to watch the afternoon sun's last rays die on Mideel's peaceful shores. "I called him time and time again at his PHS, but she picked up the call, and the rest is history." She dropped her shoulders with a smile. "Then you started dating Aerith and the strings squeezed us all tighter and tighter together."

"I see." Zack pursed his lips into a line, averting his gaze. "I'm truly sorry I don't know who you are; seems like I cut those threads you're talking about on purpose." He looked back at the cut on her cheek and his face hardened.

He was sick of wounds; he had enough of them during his captive years and their sight on someone else's skin caused him an unspeakable repulsion. That, coupled with the fact he drew the one that ran down his savior's cheekbone.

"Oh." Sadie shrugged. "I said it's better this way. You and I weren't on good terms after that."

"What do you mean, _on good terms?"_ He narrowed his eyes, crossed his arms over his chest, and pushed the painful memories that grew in his heart away. "If you were honest, maybe things wouldn't be so complicated. I know we can come to understand each other."

"It's just something from the past and there's no point in talking about it."

"Why not if at least one of us is interested in settling the matter?"

"Well..." Sadie wiped a hand across her forehead, hesitantly. "You were Shinra's, I was Avalanche's. Things didn't work out, okay?"

Zack sighed, not taking his eyes off hers. "I suspect it's far trickier than that."

"Well..." She stretched and clenched her fingers over her palms, unsure of what words could express what she wanted to say. "Zack. I lied to you and... I took away your chance of saving someone because of selfishness, because I didn't trust you." She took a step back and hit the dresser's top with her back, causing a vase with flowers to roll down from above until it hit the floor. It made her feel stupid and out of place. "I've done things you'd do well to hold a grudge for, so let me take you to Aerith and let's not talk about the past anymore, shall we?"

Zack walked toward her and bent down to pick up the vase. "We're in luck. It's made of plastic, see?" He forced a smile and tapped the object. "They're not going to charge us for it unless you start breaking more fragile things."

Sadie stared at him quizzically, nodding without really knowing why she did it. "We'd better get out of here before that happens."

Zack agreed slowly, standing up to place the vase on the piece of furniture. The girl was caught between the Soldier and the dresser; uncomfortable with his body's proximity to hers. She scolded herself for her childish behavior and stepped aside, noticing how a mischievous smile appeared on her partner's face when he noticed the intense blush on hers.

"Well," she mumbled, turning her back on him so she wouldn't have to keep watching him have fun at her expense. "Didn't Cissnei tell you to come and rush me? Because all you've done since you got here is play journalist; asking, asking, and assuming nonsense."

He beat her to it and left the room without replying, gleefully crooning about the graces and virtues of his beloved flower girl waiting for him in a _lovers' garden_ or some such corny stuff. Sadie rolled her eyes, following him with a weary sigh.

* * *

The ride back was a breeze thanks to Cissnei, Kunsel, and their contacts.

Kunsel promised to call them offshore to let them know if it was safe to return to Junon. Halfway there he told them not to disembark in the area as the whole military apparatus was waiting for them in the harbor. So they continued their journey as sailors aboard a small artisanal fishing boat that took them to Midgar's eastern plains.

They rented two chocobos to cross them to their full extent, and Sadie had to admit she'd never seen Zack so happy before. He was overjoyed to feel the light, the cool breeze, and the scent of the prairie. Sadie reminded herself that Avalanche was fighting precisely for those few, precious moments where humanity could be content with what was deemed normal.

They had to fight so there wouldn't be more secret bases or people who regarded themselves as "monsters". They needed to follow through to the last consequences; they owed it to each and every sleeping being in this world.

Night fell over Midgar and the place glowed with the ghostly radiance provided by the mako stream when they finally reached their destination.

They walked down the narrow alley that led to Aerith's home when Zack spoke for the first time since their arrival to the metropolis. His voice sounded faint, almost like a whisper, for he was immersed in a sacred silence that the woman understood and didn't want to disrupt. He probably harbored a million jumbled emotions he needed to process.

"I think you were right."

"Hmm?" Sadie looked at him over her shoulder, still walking. "About what?"

"I'm terrified." He let out a low laugh. "I'm afraid this might be just a dream I'm going to wake up from as soon as I see her."

"Oh." She raised the corners of her mouth, giving an empathetic nod. "I know how that feels." She moved a little closer to him and gently patted his shoulder. "But Zack Fair isn't afraid of a challenge, is he?" she added mischievously.

"O, of course not." He pouted, clenching his fists with a resolve that didn't match his pale face. "This is the part where we live happily ever after, isn't it?"

Sadie burst out laughing even lower than he did. "Quite corny but yes, maybe it's the beginning of a peaceful, sweet, and boring life wrapped by scented flowers and calmness."

"Yeah..." He took a deep breath, fixing his gaze on his beloved's home, which was now only a few meters away from the two of them. "I think I can get used to that, Sadie."

* * *

Aerith threw herself straight into her bed, smiling with happiness. So many exciting things had happened in one day!

She thought her intuition was playing tricks on her when that pesky Reno showed up to rip her away from her church and hesitation took over Cloud's face when she asked for his help. But he agreed and fought with the same technique Zack used in every fight; twirling the heavy sword between his strong, skillful fingers until he made the attackers flee with their tails between their legs.

She'd promised him a date to repay the favor and now she couldn't help but blush at the thought of her impulsiveness. It couldn't be mere chance! She was sure the hope she clung to for so many years succeeded in getting the two of them to share a space over the square's playground that meant so much to her.

She didn't want to get ahead of herself, but she dared to think they were very compatible. At several points Cloud started sentences she completed and vice versa; doubtless because of a curious connection that developed despite how different their personalities were. For the young Shinra defector was as silent as she was talkative, and as cynical as Aerith was upbeat.

She smiled, holding a hand to her chest as she stared at the ceiling from which the paper flowers Marlene gifted her hung. She had to find Sadie and tell her the good news. She'd be happy to know she met such an interesting person as Cloud! The thought of Zack keeping his promise in such a convoluted way sounded insane, but for a Cetra it was an extremely natural situation. She still ignored the reason behind Cloud and Zack's linked memories, but she'd discover it no matter what! And then it would all make sense, of course it would!

A sound on her windowpane distracted her from such wild conjectures and she sat up to reveal the phenomenon, closely followed by the long hair swaying freely behind her back. She peered out of the window and arched her ruddy lips at their fullest upon seeing Sadie standing there holding several pebbles in her hand.

"Sadie!" She tried to subdue her excitement and lower her voice to avoid waking her mother or Cloud (who sneaked out of the guest room behind Aerith's back). "I was just thinking about you!"

"You were?"

"Yes! I have something wonderful to tell you! It's... a beautiful surprise!"

"What a coincidence!" She placed her hands on her hips, smiling in a fashion that seemed mysterious to Aerith. "I have a surprise for you too; it's waiting in your garden."

"Huh?"

"Yeah. Better come down before it fades away." Sadie raised her eyebrows mischievously as she watched Aerith disappear from the window to go down the second-floor stairs. She wondered if she might have sensed that "presence" she always talked about when referring to Zack. Maybe she knew he was outside and all expectation of surprising her would be gone.

Well, at least she'd give her the night of her life and that was more than enough for her.

Aerith stepped outside and moved as fast as she could, her auburn curls floating in the air as she walked past Sadie, oblivious to her proximity.

Who was there? What was waiting for her among her flowers?

She tried to compare the feeling from hours ago with that of now and found them disturbingly different. An insistent spiritual pull made her legs feel heavy and her body reluctant to meet whatever fate had in store for her.

Zack saw her coming and his heart stopped.

His beloved was staring at him outside the garden entrance, breathless and restless. Just as ethereal as in his dreams, just as vulnerable as the flowers around her.

"Aerith." His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, embarrassed. "Aerith, it's me."

The girl said nothing, her pupils trembled within her eyes and she seemed not to breathe. She held her breath as well as any expression that could make her look real.

"Ae..." Zack released a nervous chuckle, running a hand through his hair only to let it hover next to his face as he explained: "I know you may be upset with me, but it was a matter of greater cause! I... whenever I had the chance I tried to return to you."

Aerith's shocked expression faded when a firefly landed on her face, giving way to one of panic that sent chills down Zack's spine. She didn't flinch, and he took this as a sign that she was perhaps mute with surprise.

"Aerith." He forced a smile, stepping forward cautiously to avoid trampling on her beloved flowers. "It's me. I came home to you." He stretched out his arms and his face filled with anguish when he saw the florist backing awkwardly into the fence that bordered the property. "Aerith! What's wrong? Are you all right?"

"N, no..." She shook her head and two thick tears slid down her cheeks. "Don't come any closer."

"What?" Zack rushed toward her, holding her by the shoulders as gently as he could amidst his gnawing nerves. "What's wrong? Did someone hurt you?!"

The girl continued to cry and struggle until Sadie came over to separate them. She was so confused as Zack, but Aerith clung to her, still wailing incongruities between sobs that none of them could understand.

"Aerith, please!" Sadie turned to her, pushing back the tangled hair that stuck to her face from the tears she was shedding. "What's wrong? It's Zack, I brought him back!"

"HE'S NOT ZACK!" she cried out in a pain-filled scream that seemed to take her soul with it. "That thing... That horrible thing with his face on it...! It's empty! It doesn't belong to the planet!" And after pointing at it with both hatred and pain, she threw herself back into Sadie's arms to cry inconsolably.

Zack remained motionless, his face disfigured by the deepest sorrow he'd experienced before. His eyes burned and he looked away sharply, crushing his fingers into clenched fists.

"Aerith." Sadie grabbed her by the shoulders. "Look, I know you place a lot of value on those..." she clicked her tongue, shaking her head while trying to keep her cool, "...premonitions of yours. But this is Zack! Look at him! Listen to him! Who the hell can it be if it's not him?"

The girl shook her head hard, her eyes glowing with a mako-like color. The planet's entire force spoke through her as she declared: "Shinra has gone too far! They have no right to play with the energy of living beings like this!" It pained her soul to realize both Cloud's true nature and that of the man who disguised himself with the face of her lost loved one. Zack was dead... and to top it all off, his spirit accompanied that of the Soldier she'd just met; the one who offered her a chance to start forgetting.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Zack interrupted her thoughts. "Tell me what's going on, please!"

"I'm sorry, but-"

"Aerith!" He took a step forward and his body collapsed from stress, causing him to stumble and fall among the flowers. "Don't say _I'm sorry..._ we can fix this!" He stumbled to his feet, forcing a grimace that was anything but a smile: "I always fix everything! Like your flower cart! You remember that, don't you?"

The cart's very mention got Aerith's face to harden with a load of contempt he never, not even in his worst nightmares, managed to imagine. "They've done it so well!" She covered her mouth to hold back a nervous laugh that threatened to turn into a sob. "It's as if you were him. But no, you don't even have a soul. There's nothing of the stream inside you, nothing!"

"No." He forcibly grabbed her hand, searching for her gaze. "I'm the real thing! I'm Zack! I have... all the soul you want me to give you!"

"Do you?" Aerith shot him an icy glance. "Maybe you can't see it for yourself." She squeezed his hand, wearily examining its surface. "I never told you... I never told Zack. But I spent the first years of my life in a Shinra lab. My mother was imprisoned there and I met some people like you. Not as advanced but... just as empty."

Zack pursed his lips and tried to calm his breathing, forcing another smile as he conceded: "I'm sorry to hear that Aerith, truly sorry. But you're wrong about me; I'm just as human as the last time we saw each other's faces."

The girl pressed his palm's center as if she wanted to pierce it for all answer. Zack let out a whimper and struggled to break free of her grip, which he managed to do without any difficulty. Aerith sighed and the fireflies fluttered around her wet and disappointed face as she commanded: "Look at your hand and tell me you are Zack Fair."

He stood dumbfounded for a second, unsure whether to obey the order or not. Maybe she was right and everything he knew would change by giving into her strange request.

No. It was bullshit, he knew for a fact who he was!

He hadn't finished dismissing the possibility of being a monster when reality hit him like an unexpected blast that ripped his life to shreds. There, underneath a piece of artificial skin that was ripped off by the one that also tore his heart, lay a non-human interior... an artificial one. The cursed mako flowed through veins that didn't function like those of a normal person.

Normal.

Normal?

What the hell was normal anyway?!

He held back a sob, not taking his blue eyes away from the fake interior they pretended to make him believe his own. "AERITH!" He glared at her in despair, shaking his head before boldly taking a step toward her. "Don't leave me now! It's still me!"

"I'm sorry." She clenched her fists and took a breath, her mission to the planet and the rest of the living beings came first. "You think you're Zack Fair, but you were only made to replace him. The more you cling to that identity, the greater control the planet's enemy will have over you." She bit her lips, a piece of her dying along the lie _the clone_ learned. "If I stay with you, I'll reinforce that identity and... we'll all be in danger."

Aerith looked at Sadie, who covered her mouth with her hands in shock, and the pause gave her the strength to finish speaking: "This is for Sadie, for Marlene, my mother, and the one you think is yours too." She inhaled and clasped her hands together over her chest. "I suppose Zack's soul is supporting Cloud's since he entered the lifestream. They'll fight together to solve this, but you..." She sighed, regretting the sad fate of the being who didn't choose to be a copy of her deceased loved one. "You must sleep until the evil is gone. It's the only thing you can do."

"I don't want to go back to sleep! Damn it, I'm not going back there!" He dropped into a sitting position among the flowers, holding his hands to his forehead. Wishing that awful nightmare would end for good.

"I'm sorry. The real Zack's existence depends on-"

"Enough." Sadie intervened with a frown. "Ae; I understand what's going on, I believe you. I know you'd never do something like this without a reason and the evidence is conclusive." She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes. "But he's had enough. Let him rest and I'll make sure he's not a problem for you, okay?" She shot her a pleading look that her friend reciprocated when a huge emotional fatigue (product of her interaction with the planet), took hold of her.

"Okay, I leave it in your hands." And without saying more, she gave a farewell glance to the one who brought so much pain to the planet... and to herself.

Zack stayed on the ground until dawn and Sadie didn't say a word to him, but just settled down in a corner of the garden. Her partner lifted his face from between his knees for the first time in hours to say: "Sadie."

She sat up immediately and hurried to catch up with him, her voice hoarse after spending so much time silent in the frosty night air. "Yes, here I am."

"I think... I need to go home," he muttered in a lost and absent way, staring out at the slums with puffy, tired eyes. Sadie put a hand on his shoulder and he found it cold and distant, as if human warmth had nothing to do with him. "I know I can't ask this of you. Aerith said it's wrong and dangerous, but... I want to see them. My parents must still be... I need-"

"I understand." Sadie patted him twice on the shoulder, pursing her lips into a line after slowly nodding her head. "You'll be there in a heartbeat, I promise."

The one who wasn't Zack anymore, but a ghost who looked like him, nodded energetically; holding back the tears he wasn't willing to let out. He showed all his gratitude by holding his companion's hand and squeezing it as if it were the only thing separating him from the deadly abyss he'd struggled so hard to flee from.

* * *

**Author's note:**

This shocking revelation is one of the story's main conflicts. From now on, Zack must assimilate that he's a clone of the real Soldier who died protecting whom he believes to be his best friend, and loving the one who sees him as an aberration.

Speaking of Aerith, her reaction was motivated by the surprise of being reunited with Zack, her subsequent anger and disappointment upon discovering that Shinra murdered and cloned the man she loved, and also by the fear inspired by Jenova's powerful influence she perceives within the copy. Her feelings will evolve with the passage of time and circumstances to come, so don't think the matter will remain unresolved. ;)

Many thanks for each of your valuable comments, kudos, and favorites! **Until the next update!**


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